Aladdin - The Novelization
by Tailikku
Summary: A novelization of the the franchise spinning off of the 1992 Oscar-winning film. This Story is divided into four books. Book 1: Aladdin; Book 2: The Return of Jafar; Book 3: The Further Adventures (based on the animated series, selected books, and the Hercules Crossover); Book 4: The King of Theives. Book 1 Up.
1. Prologue

A long time ago, in the sands of distant Arabia, there stood a great enclave in the midst of the desert. According to nomads who passed this point, it was said that the enclave was once ruled by the fire demon Amok Mon Ra. That was the rumor until a caravan of nomads arrived. Their leader was a merchant named Hamed. His band's quest to find a home lead to stories reaching all across the Seven Deserts. It was on that day that he met a group at the enclave.

"Whoa!" said Hamed, stopping the caravan. The small group's leader walked up to him. "Uh, excuse me... Hamed?"

"Yes. How do you know me?"

"You're famous!"

"Oh, yes, well, I suppose our quest has become legendary. We have searched many years for someplace that we might call home. Sometimes I fear our quest will never end."

The small group's largest member made a suggestion, "If you settled here you'd be home right now!"

The leader's wife agreed, "The city you build here will be glorious!"

At first the idea of a city being built here was ridiculous, that is until the caravan's tent maker, Abnor Mal, sprang a leak while pounding in their tents' steaks. Hamed made a proclamation after his tent maker's accident.

"In this place there will be a city more wonderful, more magnificent, than any other on Earth. It will be called Agrabah, and it shall be our home." Out of frustration of no longer having to make tents, Abnor left the caravan and left for the temple of the tiger god, seeking refuge from the harsh conditions of the desert.

* * *

Centuries passed since Hamed settled Agrabah. In that time, it grew from a humble village to a magnificent kingdom ruled by the good Sultan Bobolonius, named after his wise and kind grandfather. The Sultan was soon to be wed to his eventual sultana and thought it necessary to find a beautiful flower to give his bride. A fortune teller told him of a magnificent garden north of Agrabah. He found such a garden, which looked more like a palace, like the one he lived in.

"Extraordinary!"

In the palatial garden he found many beautiful works of floral art. Among them were a beautiful harp made of vines, its strings were all perfectly tuned. Then he saw it: a beautiful red flower. "Lovely…" he noted.

The sultan pulled the flower from its spot, which was followed by a shrill shrieking noise.

"Who trespasses in my garden? My masterpiece?" rumbled a deep booming voice. A large treant appeared. This was the lord of the garden, Arbutus. The sultan drew his sword, only for it to be snatched away by vines.

"You are a fool! Your sword may sever every limb, but my power will always bloom!" exclaimed Arbutus as he grabbed the Sultan in his massive hand. "I'm sorry! I just wanted to bring a flower to my new bride!"

"No one shall defile the art of Arbutus and live!"

"Release me and you shall be greatly rewarded!"

"Your reward means nothing to me."

"You have my word! My most precious treasure will be yours!"

Arbutus was now in thought, stroking his beard made of willow leaves. "Yes… Perhaps one day your kingdom could enhance mine... an addition to my garden's beauty." He put the sultan down, now frightened.

"Oh, indeed. Agrabah is rich with wonderful treasure."

"Hear me! In twenty summers I shall come for your most precious treasure!"

* * *

Seven years past since the Sultan married. In that time his brown beard turned grey and grew longer. But more importantly he was now a widowed father. Yes, the sultana gave birth to a lovely daughter, Jasmine. Unfortunately, the sultana passed away within months of her daughter's birth. The problem was Jasmine herself. Having no mother-figure to raise her, she was slightly spoiled.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Jasmine?"

"As a princess, what will I be able to do?"

"Oh many things. You can be an inspiration to all of Agrabah and the Seven Deserts combined. You can do anything you want."

"Well when I grow up I might run things my way:

**Call me a princess, I don't care**  
**Call me obsessed with nails and hair**  
**Only concerned with what to wear**  
**Shallow and so blasé**

**Go ahead, call me 'royal pain'**  
**I'm unimpressed with your disdain**  
**Let me repeat one sweet refrain**  
**Princesses get their way**

**Other girls cook, but that's not relaxing**  
**Princesses make reservations**  
**Life's much too short and Lord, it's so taxing**  
**Ruling these darn Third World nations**

**Some say that when I nag a whine**  
**Nobody's voice is as shrill as mine**  
**Daddy thinks that I sound just fine**  
**He's in my royal sway**  
**Other girls study, why do they bother?**  
**I study how to grease up my father**  
**Fathers were born to pay**  
**And princesses get their way**

**Call me a princess, I don't mind**  
**Selfish disgrace to womankind**  
**People need hobbies - I unwind**  
**Watching how much I weigh**

**Other girls work for law degrees**  
**Some scrub the floor on hands and knees**  
**I'd rather have a facial, please**  
**Slather her face in clay**

**Soon I'll get married - what could be sweeter?**  
**To some Salim or Abdullah**  
**Whoever he is, the two things he'll need are**  
**Earplugs and plenty of moola**

**Princesses write a check - it clears**  
**That's 'cause they spend those wonder years**  
**Running to Dad and faking tears**  
**Training him to obey**  
**Fresh outta cash? No problem, I drop a**  
**Snit and go running straight to my papa**  
**Then everything's okay**  
**Princesses get their way**  
**Believe it**  
**Princesses get their way**"

"Jasmine, you don't understand. There's more to being princess than getting your way all the time."

"There's _more_?"

"Everything you see exists together, in a delicate balance. As a princess, you need to understand that balance, and respect all the cultures—from Quirkistan to Odiferous. For everything the light touches is our kingdom."

Jasmine saw way out into the distance from the great balcony a shadowy part of the desert. "What about that shadowy place?"

"That is the Land of the Black Sand. It is ruled by an evil sorcerer, Destane."

The doors behind them opened and in came Jafar, the Sultan's Grand Vizier. "Princess, it's time for your history lesson."

* * *

In another part of Agrabah, a young couple were blessed by God with a son, just two years after the sultan returned from Arbutus' garden. Knowing that the baby would put the family into the poorhouse, the father, a carpet merchant named Cassim, left to find riches to support his family. Weeks turned into months and months turned into years. Unfortunately, the mother did not live to see her husband return from his journey. She passed away when their son, Aladdin, was five. Cassim returned home one night after finding treasure in the Temple of the Tiger God, having recovered it from a thief named Nor Mal. But to his dismay he find his wife, or Aladdin. At that moment, he would have traded anything to get his wife back. This cry of pain was met by a band of thieves, led by the marauding Abu Hassan. Cassim and Hassan did battle, upon which Cassim came out the victor and was made the King of the Forty Thieves.

In the meantime, Aladdin had made friends with another street-rat named Amal. Amal was a kind lad of 11, just one one year older than Aladdin. It occurred on the day of a full-moon that Amal pressured Aladdin into stealing money. They evaded the guards before arriving at an old well.

"Hurry up, slowpoke! I've seen sand worms move faster than you, Aladdin!" Aladdin arrived panting "I don't think we should have stolen that."

Amal mocked him, "Like you've never stolen anything before."

"I only steal food! To eat!"

Amal stood on top of a wall and gloated. "Oh, big difference. Listen, I'm not gonna be a street rat forever, like you. Someday, I'm gonna make something of myself!"

Aladdin sighed "I won't be a street rat forever. But I'm not going to make something of myself by doing bad things, Amal." His friend was nowhere to be seen. In his worry, Aladdin saw a dark figure jump into the well. What was that thing?!

* * *

Six years passed since the event. Besides the princess now having a full-grown Bengal Tiger as a housecat, life in Agrabah was the same. In the middle of the market place, a stage was erected. A group of people stood near, watching. A small band of entertainers had just come to Agrabah. Aziz was their master of mystical arts. At least, that's what he told he told everybody. Fatima was the band's acrobat. And Minos was their leader. But their real money maker was a clever little monkey named Abu.

"Many thanks! Your applause is our greatest reward." said Minos, after he and Fatima finished their act. The crowd complimented them.

"She's as beautiful as a dove."

"And quick as a hawk."

"He is as strong as a bull!"

Fatima announced, "Now watch as Aziz shares with you more of his mystic power."

From backstage, Minos and Fatima saw Abu return to their quarters, carrying a pouch. "Gimme that loot!" Minos shouted as he took the pouch from the little monkey. "Well, Abu, it's about time you pulled your weight around here." He gave Abu a small earing, Fatima was disgusted as hit was a brass one without a match, and that it would make her ears green. Minos sent Abu out to get more gold from the audience.

"For years I trained with the monks of Ghanistan to perform this feat. Silence, please." announced Aziz, now bound from head to toe in chains. Aladdin, now an adult, was there watching the troupe perform, suddenly he felt something on his back.

"Hey, that's mine you little thief!" It was Abu. He began to chase him. Aladdin finally caught Abu, but then the two were beat by a woman.

"The monkey and that scrawny kid scared away our audience." Minos grumbled.

"Ah, but look at the boy. He's fast enough to keep up with Abu." noted Fatima.

"Hands off my money, monkey." shouted Aladdin at Abu.

"Hands off my monkey, beggar! Or you won't have any hands to beg with. Well, let's see what you're hauling, street rat… A single coin? All that bedlam for this? I don't know which one of you is dumber."

"It's all I have and I want it back, you big ox!"

Minos and Aladdin began arguing, until Aladdin backed away with a now larger wallet. Minos chased him, knowing that the wallet was his to begin with. The rest of the troupe were so impressed with Aladdin's agility that they inducted him into the troupe. All Abu and Aladdin had to do was work the crowd. Aladdin and Abu stole a woman's necklace and gold, then a man's feather. Aladdin approached another man, stealing his money; the man grabbed his shoulder.

"Boy, isn't this exciting? Look at them! Have you ever seen such a feat?"

"Nope, can't say I have…"

"They are wonders! Never have I seen such masterful entertainers."

At the end of the day the troupe had amassed a large amount of gold.

"Naturally, as an apprentice, your share of the take is less. Once you're made a full member, you'll get a fair share." said Minos.

"Hey, this is still more money than I've ever had. I'm happy."

"And you should be, you sly devil. You did an excellent job," applauded Fatima.

Minos agreed ,"Indeed, twice the job that miserable little monkey ever did,"

"And without the odor!" shouted Aziz.

Aladdin and Abu then took a walk through the marketplace, so as to show the little monkey what to do with money. They stopped at a turban vendor, "I would like to buy your finest hat."

"A finely crafted turban even the Sultan would be proud to wear," the vendor pulled out an expensive white turban with a small fez on top. Aladdin bought it for Abu… only for it to fall over his upper body. Aladdin decided to rectify the situation by unravelling it, leaving Abu with a small two-tone fez to match his small vest.

While walking back to the stage, Aladdin and Abu heard a man talking to his family. They peeked inside his window; it was the same man they robbed earlier in the marketplace. "We have no money for food. I was robbed in the marketplace. How will we survive?"

The man's wife tried to reassure him, "It'll be alright. We'll get by."

"But it's gone, all of it. Every last dinar we had! Gone!" he broke into tears. Aladdin and Abu were ashamed of what they did. Rather than spend the money on food, Aladdin dropped the wallet off at the man's stoop and knocked on the door. The man and woman saw the wallet and thanked the Lord for his kindness.

"I've never taken more than I needed. Today, we were hurting people, Abu. Well, I'm not doing it again. And if Minos has a problem with that, then it's him against me."

Aladdin went backstage to talk to his employers about the wrongdoings that they had done. "You're right," agreed Minos.

"I am?"

"Ah, I tire of this life as well. It's time we went after a bigger prize. Do you know of the Destiny Stone?"

"No…"

Fatima went up to Aladdin, "Legend says it is the stone that rewards those who reach it. Rewards them handsomely."

"Some say the Stone is as big as a man."

"A gem that would rival a Sultan's fortune."

"But reaching the Stone is the trouble.. We can't do it without you."

"Sorry. Look, I'm through with stealing."

"It's not stealing! It's a...uh..." Minos was stuck on what to say. An idea hit Fatima, "Uh, uh...a treasure hunt!"

"The stone is there for the grabbing."

"You're the only one fast enough. We need you. _I_ need you," Fatima said seductively. Aladdin wasn't too sure about it, but one kiss from Fatima convinced him otherwise.

* * *

The next morning, they journeyed to the Temple of Destiny. To keep out the unworthy, the Temple was full of deadly traps. That's why they needed Aladdin's speed. Minos pushed Aladdin ahead of the rest. "It's your show now, boy. You're the only one who's fast enough to enter the Temple." Fatima told him that he needed to push the sphere on the far end of the hall.

"Push the sphere. Right," he thought. He looked around. What sphere? He took a few steps forward. Nothing happened. "Hey, are you sure—" Before he could finish his sentence, a tin knight beside him lowered a mace toward Aladdin's head; he noticed it just in time to dodge. Traps set off all around Aladdin, including more maces, objects smashing together and an open pit; Aladdin reached the end of the hallway and saw the sphere on the door. He pushed the sphere, but was unable to get it in the whole way; he heard a noise behind him. A giant spiked ball rolled down the temple hall; Aladdin pushed the sphere harder, causing it to slide in before the ball hit him; a hole opened in the floor and the ball fell in. "Hey, it's okay. I made it! I'm okay!"

Aziz was impressed with this feat. "Well, I'll be a rabid jackal. He did it!"

"Well done, boy. And now, the Destiny Stone is ours."

A guardian was in the room with a giant emerald-cut ruby—the Destiny Stone.

"You have proven worthy. I am the Guardian. You may now approach the Stone and embrace your destiny."

"I'll embrace more than my destiny. I'll embrace the Stone." The guardian warned against it, only for Aziz to breath fire on him. Minos was about to punch him when Aladdin jumped in his way.

"No! I won't let you hurt him."

"You made a big mistake, boy." threatened Minos, grabbing Aladdin. Abu bit the man's ankle, causing him to drop Aladdin.

"Traitor!"

Fatima tackled Aladdin, but he shoved her off of him with an axe handle. Despite his best efforts against his treacherous team, he was overpowered.

"I won't let you take the Stone. It's wrong!"

"Sorry, big boy, but you're in not position to stop us."

"This moment has been a long time coming."

Minos picked the stone up from off the pedestal, it began to glow a bright red light. A hurricane formed in the temple, sucking in all three thieves. After all was said and done, the chamber of the Destiny Stone was back to the way it was. The guardian stood up and patted Aladdin on the shoulder. "I told them, the Stone cannot be stolen. We cannot change the Stone's place in the world, but it can change ours."

It was a long hike back to Agrabah, but Aladdin and his new pet monkey returned to his hovel.

"Well, I guess this is it, Abu, we go our separate ways. Too bad... we work pretty well together. A real team… but I suppose we could stick together as... friends." The two walked off to the slums, in search of a roof to have over their heads. Abu was crying happily, he had never been treated so kindly before in his life. Aladdin sang a little song to the monkey to lift his spirits.

"**Hey, gonna make you proud someday**  
** Gonna do great things you'll see**  
** Yeah, it's in the hands of fate now**  
** Just wait now**  
** We've got this destiny**

**My friend, you can count on me**  
** We won't just get by**  
** Hang on tight**  
** And we'll have adventures**  
** Diamonds and pearls**  
** We'll rescue damsels**  
** Did I mention girls?**

**And then, I'll pick a star from the sky**  
** And all of our dreams will come true one-two-three**  
** You can count on me**

**You can always count on me**  
** 'Cause I got dreams and plans**  
** So stick with me**  
** And there will be riches**  
** And magical places**  
** A private oasis**  
** Out there in the sands**

**Till then**  
** You keep on smiling through**  
** And we'll get by**  
** On what's out there for free**  
** Troubles may appear**  
** But turn and I'll be here**  
** You can count on me**  
**'Cause I'll make you proud someday**  
** 'Cause I've got this destiny**  
** And I know that I'll make good now**  
** I should now**  
** You can count on me**"


	2. On a Dark Night

Our story finally begins on a dark night, where a dark man waits with a dark purpose.

Jafar sat on his horse out in the midst of the sand dunes. It was as if he was waiting for something to occur. Or rather, waiting for someone. A second horse galloped up the dune he waited on. A short man, a thief named Gazeem, hopped off and bowed.

"You are late."

"A thousand apologies, O patient one."

"You have it, then?"

"I had to slit a few throats to get it, but I got it." Gazeem held a small golden trinket that resembled half of a scarab. Jafar held his hand out, but Gazeem pulled away. "Ah, ah, ahhh… the treasure?"

Iago, Jafar's scarlet parrot, flew into Gazeem's hand and snatched the scarab half, giving it to Jafar with his talons.

"Trust me, my pungent friend. You'll get what's coming to you."

Jafar pulled out a second half-scarab and connected the two. As soon as the two halves touched, the scarab started glowing a brilliant golden color and flew about. It flew off, after startling the horses.

"Quickly, follow the trail!"

They all rode off, following the scarab, until it reached a large dune. It separated into two and the halves plunged into the dune. All that remained were two glowing points of light on the dune. Jafar shouted an incantation.

"Rasoul Azadani!"

The dune began to rise up, transforming into the head of a Tiger God, with the glowing points serving as the eyes. The head opened its gaping maw, showing a brilliant light from within.

"At last, after all my years of searching, the Cave of Wonders!"

"My God…"

Jafar grabbed Gazeem and shook him about. "Now, remember! Bring me the lamp. The rest of the treasure is your, but the lamp is mine!"

Gazeem walked up to the cave entrance, rubbing his greedy hands. Iago turned to Jafar.

"Jeez, where'd ya dig this bozo up?"

"Shush…"

Gazeem looked down into the cave's mouth and saw a flight of stairs form from the sandstone. He began to edge closer to the stairs, only to be blown by a powerful gust of air. The voice of the Tiger God spoke.

"**WHO DISTURBS MY SLUMBER?**"

"It is I, Gazeem, a humble thief."

"**KNOW THIS. ONLY ONE MAY ENTER HERE. ONE WHOSE WORTH LIES FAR WITHIN. A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH.**"

Gazeem turned back to Jafar. "What are you waiting for? Go on!"

The thief nervously walked up to the cave again and stepped on the stairs in apprehension. Nothing happened. What a relief! That is until the cave roared. Gazeem turned and began to run, but it was stopped by the Tiger God's jaws, which slammed shut on him. The cave entrance sank back into the dunes leaving behind the two halves of the scarab.

"**SEEK THEE OUT, THE DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH.**"

Iago finally popped out of the sand, coughing up more sand. "I can't believe it. I just don't believe it. We're never gonna get a hold of that stupid lamp! Just forget it. Look at this. Look at this. I'm so ticked off that I'm molting!"

"Patience, Iago. Patience. Gazeem was obviously less than worthy."

"Oh, there's a big surprise. That's incredible! I think I'm gonna have a heart attack and die from not surprise! What're we gonna do? We got a big problem here, a big-"

Jafar closed Iago's beak. "Yessss… Only one may enter… I must find this one, this… diamond in the rough…"


	3. One Jump Ahead

It was a warm summer's morning in Agrabah. Farouk was selling fruit, Omar had just pulled out a set of fresh baked loaves, and Aladdin and Abu were taking a walk through the market; it had been one year since the incident in the Temple of Destiny. All at once, Aladdin's stomach began growling; it was breakfast time and they had no food.

Aladdin formed an idea. After hearing this idea, Abu began to dance for Omar. "Well aren't you a clever monkey!" He did not notice that Aladdin stole one of the loaves. When he went back from checking on the ones in the oven behind him, he saw that he was now short one loaf and that Aladdin was running in one direction.

"Stop thief!" The guards led by Captain Razoul began to make their chase after the street rat. They cornered Aladdin on the roof of a building. Razoul pulled his saber out. "I'll have your hands for a trophy!"

"All this for a loaf of bread?" Aladdin contemplated the situation and jumped down into the hanging clotheslines. He landed with a thud in some laundry. "There he is!" "You won't get away so easy!" "You think that was easy?" His question was met with a few chuckles from nearby women. "Getting into trouble early today, aren't we Aladdin?"

"You're only in trouble if you get caught." As if on cue, Razoul grabbed Aladdin by the vest. Just before he could make a threat, Abu shoved the captain's turban over his eyes. "Perfect timing Abu! Come on, let's get outta here.

**Gotta keep**  
**One jump ahead of the breadline**  
**One swing ahead of the sword**  
**I steal only what I can't I afford**  
**That's everything!**

**One jump ahead of the lawmen**  
**That's all, and that's no joke**  
**These guys don't appreciate I'm broke**

**Guards:**  
**Riffraff! Street rat!**  
**Scoundrel! Take that!**

**Aladdin:**  
**Just a little snack, guys**

**Guards:**  
**Rip him open, take it back, guys**

**Aladdin:**  
**I can take a hint, gotta face the facts**  
**You're my only friend, Abu!**

**Girls:**  
**Who?**  
**Oh it's sad Aladdin's hit the bottom**  
**He's become a one-man rise in crime**

**Mother:**  
**I'd blame parent's except he hasn't got 'em**

**Aladdin:**  
**Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat**  
**Tell you all about it when I got the time**

**One jump ahead of the slowpokes**  
**One skip ahead of my doom**  
**Next time gotta use a nom de plume**  
**One jump ahead of the hitmen**  
**One hit ahead of the flock**  
**I think I'll take a stroll around the block**

**Crowd:**  
**Stop thief! Vandal!**

**Aladdin:**  
**Abu!**

**Crowd:**  
**Scandal!**

**Aladdin:**  
**Let's not be too hasty**

**Woman:**  
**Still, I think he's rather tasty**

**Aladdin:**  
**Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat**  
**Otherwise we'd get along**

**Guards**  
**Wrong**!"

Aladdin and Abu had just gotten out of a fight-cloud. Aladdin ran over burning coals, unscathed. The guards followed suit, burning their feet. Abu took this opportunity to pull a sword out of a sword-swallower's mouth. He turned to the guards, who stopped dead in their tracks. Hakim, one of the guards, pointed at the monkey. "He's got a sword!" "You idiots! We all got swords!" All the guards pulled out their swords, causing Abu to drop his. The two caught up and used a snake-charmer's rope to escape.

"**Aladdin:  
One jump ahead of the hoof beats  
(Vandal!)  
One hop ahead of the hump  
(Street rat!)  
One trick ahead of disaster  
(Scoundrel!)  
They're quick, but I'm must faster  
(Take that!)  
Here goes, better throw my hand in  
Wish me happy landin'  
All I gotta do is jump!**"

Aladdin safely floated down using the sheet that he picked up during his chase. The guards meanwhile were not so lucky and landed in a pile of manure that was to be sold as fertilizer by one Crazy Hakim.

* * *

"And now, esteemed effendi, we feast!" Aladdin broke the bread in half, giving one half to Abu. Just before he took a bite, he saw two poor children, brother and sister, from the slums digging through a dumpster for food. The siblings looked at the bread in hunger and sadness. Aladdin decided to be the better man and gave his half to the kids. Abu followed suit, and was rewarded by the sister petting him. A crowd of people formed around main street; a procession was in action, with a richly dressed man atop a white stallion proudly making his way to the palace. Two citizens, Ron and Jon, took notice. "On his way to the palace, I suppose." "Another suitor for the princess."

The brother ran into the street to see the horse, but got too close, startling the animal. The prince stood up in his stirrups and brandished a bullwhip. "Get out of my way, filthy brats!"

Before he could strike the boy, Aladdin jumped in front of him and absorbed the blow wrapping the whip around his arm. "If I was as rich as you, I could afford some manners!" "I'll teach you manners!" The prince kicked Aladdin and Abu into the mud, some people began laughing. Aladdin made a smart comment back at the prince. "Look at that Abu, it's not every day you see a horse with two rear-ends!"

The crowd hushed, the horse stopped, and the prince turned around in his saddle. "You are a worthless street rat! You were born a street rat, you'll die a street rat, and only your fleas will mourn you!" Aladdin jumped out of the mud as if to hit the prince, but the palace gates closed in front of him.

"I'm not worthless and I don't have fleas" Aladdin turned to his monkey and began the long walk back to their apartment in the slums. "Come on, Abu. Let's go home.

**Riffraff, street rat  
I don't buy that  
If only they'd look closer  
Would they see a poor boy? No siree  
They'd find out  
There's so much more to me**

Someday, Abu, things are gonna change. We'll be rich, live in a palace, and never have any problems at all."


	4. Jasmine Runs Away

"I've never been so insulted!"

The prince from the day before burst through the doors from Jasmine's personal garden. The Sultan was surprised.

"Oh, Prince Achmed. You're not leaving so soon, are you?"

"Good luck marrying her off!" Achmed had a bit of fabric missing from his pants, showing a heart-patterned pair of briefs. The Sultan knew that Jasmine was up to something. He rushed out to the garden and was met by Rajah, the royal pet tiger. Rajah had a bit of Achmed's pants in his teeth. After a game of tug-o-war, the Sultan got the fabric out of the tiger's mouth.

"Confound it, Rajah! So, this is why Prince Achmed stormed out!"

"Oh, father. Rajah was just playing with him," Jasmine defended her jumbo-sized cat. "You were just playing with that overdressed, self-absorbed Prince Achmed, weren't you?"

The Sultan was none too impressed. "Dearest, you've got to stop rejecting every suitor that comes to call. The law says you must be married to a prince by your next birthday. You've only got three more days!"

"Father, I hate being forced into this. If I do marry, I want it to be for love."

"Jasmine, it's not only this law. I'm not going to be around forever, and I just want to make sure you're taken care of, provided for."

"Try to understand. I've never done a thing on my own. I've never had any real friends. Except you, Rajah. I've never even been outside the palace walls."

The Sultan tried to reason with her by reminding her that she was a princess, she retaliated by suggesting that she stop being a princess. "God forbid you should have any daughters!"

Jasmine went to tending some doves, before releasing them from their cage. The Sultan went to his bedchamber and looked at a 1:1001 model of the city. He muttered how he never knew where Jasmine got her feisty attitude and that the Sultana was not that picky. A shadow loomed over him. It was Jafar.

"I am in desperate need of your wisdom."

"My life is but to serve you, my lord."

"It's this suitor business. Jasmine refuses to choose a husband. I'm at my wit's-end."

The Sultan looked at Iago, thinking that the bird's repetition of "wit's-end" was cute and shoved a piece of matzo into his beak.

"Your majesty certainly has a way with dumb animals. Now then, perhaps I can divine a solution to this thorny problem."

"If anyone can help, it's you."

"Ah, but it would require the use of the mystic blue diamond."

The Sultan looked at his ring, It was a wedding present from his Sultana, it meant as much to him as did Jasmine.

"It is necessary to find the princess a suitor. Don't worry. Everything will be fine."

Jafar held his cobra-shaped staff to the Sultan's eyes. The Sultan was now in a trance and gave his vizier the ring.

"You are most gracious, my liege. Now run along and play with your little toys."

Jafar and Iago left the Sultan's chamber and to his personal chamber. He dropped his smile and began scowling. Iago meanwhile spat the matzo out.

"I can't take it anymore! If I gotta choke down on one more of those moldy, disgusting crackers... Bam! Crack!"

Jafar pulled a rope on one of his hanging oil-lamps revealing a hidden passage.

"Calm yourself, Iago. Soon, I will be sultan, not that addlepated twit."

"And then I stuff the crackers down his throat!"

Night fell over Agrabah. Jasmine snuck back into her garden, wearing the garments of a peasant girl, she began to climb one of her trees, but was stopped by a sad Rajah.

"I can't stay here and have my life lived for me." The tiger helped her scale the walls. Before he knew it, Jasmine was gone.

* * *

Day broke in the market, the merchants were all selling their usual wears, and Aladdin and Abu were about to get breakfast from Omar.

"Try this, your taste buds will dance and sing! Hey, get your paws off that!"

While Abu distracted Omar, Aladdin reached down and grabbed a cantaloupe. He cracked it open and the two began eating it. While they ate Jasmine was taking in the new sights and smells of the bazaar.

"Pretty lady, buy a pot. No finer pot in brass or silver!"

"Sugar dates, sugar dates and figs! Sugar dates and pistachios!"

"Would the lady like a necklace? A pretty necklace for a pretty lady."

"FRESH FISH! We catch 'em, you buy 'em!"

Jasmine bumped into a fire-eater, causing him to literally eat his fire. A few seconds later, he belched a flame out and rubbed his stomach. Aladdin saw Jasmine for the first time. Never before had he seen such a beautiful face, even more beautiful than Fatima!. Jasmine saw a young boy trying to get an apple from a stand, and she helped him.

"You'd better be able to pay for that. No one steals from my cart!"

It was the stand's owner, Farouk. He was angry at Jasmine.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir. I don't have any money. Please, if you let me go to the palace, I can get some from the Sultan."

Farouk slammed Jasmine's hand to the counter and pulled out a sword. "Do you know what the penalty is for stealing?!"

Aladdin jumped in at the nick of time. " Thank you kind sir. I'm so glad you've found her. I've been looking all over for you!"

Jasmine, confused, asked "What are you doing?"

"Just play along."

"You know this girl?"

"Sadly, yes. She is my sister. She's a little crazy."

"She said she knows the Sultan!"

"She thinks the monkey is the Sultan!"

Jasmine saw Abu and held up the charade. She started bowing to Abu like he _was_ the Sultan. Abu responded accordingly.

"Tragic, isn't it?"

He leaned forward, picking up another apple from the cart with his foot.

"But, no harm done. Now come along sis. Time to see the doctor."

Jasmine was definitely getting into the act as she "confused" a camel for a psychiatrist. The two and Abu ran off towards the slums, before Farouk had the chance to realize that Abu had picked his pocket. Old habits die hard.

* * *

In Jafar's secret lab, Iago was running on a strange "storm machine".

"With all due respect, your rottenness, couldn't we just wait for a real storm?"

"Save your breath, Iago. Faster!" Jafar placed the Sultan's wedding ring in an hourglass. Lightning struck and the sands inside morphed into the Tiger God.

"Reveal to me the one who can enter the cave!"

The sands fell through the glass and showed a vision of Aladdin leading Jasmine to his apartment in the slums. "There he is. My diamond in the rough! Let's have the guards extend him an invitation to the palace, shall we?"

* * *

"Almost there."

Jasmine climbed over the top of the building, but tripped and fell into Aladdin's arms. "I want to thank you for stopping that man."

Aladdin grabbed a pole. "Uh, forget it. So, uh, this is your first time in the marketplace, huh?" He vaulted across the gap to the next building.

"Is it that obvious?"

"Well, you do kinda stand out." Aladdin started to place a board over the gap. "I mean, uh, you don't seem to know how dangerous Agrabah can be."

Jasmine had already vaulted over the gap. A fast learner. He led her to the apartment, after cautioning her to watch her step and to mind her head. "Is this where you live?"

"Yep. Just me and Abu. Come and go as we please. Well, it's not much," He pulled the curtain showing a magnificent bird's-eye view of the city. "But it's got a great view. The palace looks pretty amazing, huh?"

Jasmine was a bit at odds on this. Both of them passively gave their views on what palace life is like. They both said that they feel trapped.

"So, where're you from?"

"What does it matter? I ran away, and I am not going back."

"Really?"

"My father's forcing me to get married."

"That's… that's awful!" Abu was trying to get one of the two apples that Aladdin stole from Farouk, prompting Aladdin to scold him.

"Abu says 'That's not fair'."

"And does Abu have anything else to say?"

"Well, uh, he wishes there was something he could do to help."

"Hmm, tell him that's very sweet."

Both of them leaned closer to kiss…

"HERE YOU ARE!" It was the guards!

"Do you trust me?"

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes…"

"Then jump!"

The three jumped out of the apartment and into a pile of sand. Razoul was waiting for them.

"We just keep running into each other, don't we, street rat?"

"Let go of him!"

"Look what we have here, men-a street mouse!"

The captain backhanded Jasmine as he and his fellow guards tackled Aladdin.

"Unhand him, by order of the princess!"

Jasmine took off her hood, forcing the guards and Aladdin to genuflect.

"What are you doing outside the palace? And with this street rat?

"That's not your concern. Do as I command. Release him!"

"I would princess, but my orders come from Jafar. You'll have to take it up with him,"

"Believe me, I will."

* * *

Jasmine had finally arrived back from the palace, just when Jafar was sneaking out of his lab.

"How may I be of service to you?"

"The guards just took a boy from the market, on _your_ orders."

"Your father has charged me with keeping peace in Agrabah. The boy was a criminal."

"What was the crime?"

"Why, kidnapping the princess, of course."

"He didn't kidnap me! I ran away!"

"Oh, dear! Oh, why frightfully upsetting. Had I but known! Sadly, the boy's sentence has already been carried out: DEATH… by beheading…"

Jasmine was shocked. While this was going on, Iago was stuck in the panel that led to the lab.

"How could you?!"

She ran off to her boudoir. Iago had finally gotten out of the panel.

"So how did it go?"

"I think she took it rather well!"

* * *

Jasmine and Rajah were both mourning the death of Aladdin, the boy she never knew the name of. Her father walked in.

"Jasmine? Oh, dearest. What's wrong?"

"Jafar... has... done something... terrible!"

"There, there, there, my child-we'll set it right. Now, tell me everything."


	5. Adventures in the Cave of Wonders

Night fell over Agrabah, and the desert heat turned to a chilling wind. Cast into the Sultan's dungeon, Aladdin could think only of Jasmine, the girl from the marketplace.

"She was the princess. I don't believe it. I must have sounded so stupid to her."

A familiar voice called to him, "Yoo-hoo! Aladdin? Hello!"

"Abu! Down here! Hey, c'mon-help me outta these."

Abu scurried down into Aladdin's area. He got onto his knee and began chattering wildly, dropped to the ground. He wrapped his vest around his head and makes his eyes big in an imitation of the princess.

"Hey, she was in trouble. Ah, she was worth it."

Abu then picked the locks as he conversed with the monkey. "Don't worry, Abu. I'll never see her again. I'm a street rat, remember, and there's a law. She's gotta marry a prince, she deserves it. I'm a-I'm a fool."

"You're only a fool if you give up, boy." An old prisoner was in the dungeon.

"Who are you?"

"A lowly prisoner, like yourself. But together, perhaps we can be more."

"I'm listening."

"There is a cave, boy… a Cave of Wonders… filled with treasures beyond your wildest dreams." The old man held out a small handful of rupees, glowing bright red in color. "Treasure enough to impress even your princess, I'd wager."

As he turned his back, the prisoner felt wings beneath his cloak. It was Iago! "Jafar, can ya hurry it up? I'm dyin' in here!" Jafar had disguised himself as a prisoner in order to approach Aladdin. He shut up his familiar and turned back to Aladdin.

"But the law says that only a prince can marry—"

"You've heard of the golden rule, haven't you boy? 'Whoever has the gold makes the rules.'" Jafar smiled, showing a hideously bad mouth.

"So why would you share all of this wonderful treasure with me?"

"I need a young man with strong pair of legs and a strong back to go in after it."

"Ah, one problem. It's out there, we're in here?"

"Ah, ah, ah. Things aren't always as they seem." With that, Jafar limped to a wall of the chamber and moved a section of it to reveal a hidden staircase. "So, do we have a deal?"

* * *

Aladdin and Abu followed Jafar through the desert dunes. Soon they arrived at a sandstone knoll where the Cave of Wonders stood before them. "**WHO DISTURBS MY SLUMBER?**"

Abu crouched beside Aladdin, who was staring in amazement "Uh, it is I… Aladdin."

Blinding light suddenly came from the cave as the Tiger-God bellowed once again. **"PROCEED. TOUCH NOTHING BUT THE LAMP.**" The cave opened up with a roar, and a staircase appeared in front of Aladdin. Jafar quickly turned to Aladdin with his own instructions. "Remember, boy—first fetch me the lamp, and then you shall have your reward!"

* * *

Inside the cave, Aladdin found a chamber filled floor-to-ceiling with all kinds of treasure and jewels. Aladdin surveyed the scene in wonder. "Would ya look at that. Just a handful of this stuff would make me richer than the Sultan."

Abu raced to a large chest but stopped as Aladdin shouted a warning "Abu! Don't… touch… _anything_. We gotta find that lamp."

They began to make their way through the room when suddenly the richly woven but dusty carpet that Abu walked across came to life. It rose and followed them, floating just above the ground. Abu sensed something and turned, but the carpet quickly lay flat. Abu ran to Aladdin and tugged at his pant-leg. "Abu, will ya knock it off?" The carpet continued this game of peekaboo until Abu jumped onto Aladdin and turned him around. "A… magic carpet!" The carpet hid behind a pile of treasure. "C'mon. C'mon out. I'm not gonna hurt you." The carpet came out shyly and slowly, picked up Abu's fez that fell off in his frantic rush, and flew towards Aladdin. "Take it easy, Abu. He's not gonna bite." Abu screeched at the carpet as soon as he got his fez back. The carpet began to walk away, "sadly." "Hey, wait a minute. Don't go. Maybe you can help us. You see, we're trying to find this lamp."

The carpet pointed excitedly and zipped off. Aladdin and Abu chased after it into another large cavern. "I think he knows where it is."

* * *

At one end of the cave was a huge stone staircase surrounded by a deep pool of water. Stepping stones led across the pool, and high atop the staircase in a beam of light, was the lamp.

Not far away from the lamp sat a gold monkey idol holding out a beautiful jewel. As Aladdin climbed the long staircase toward the lamp, Abu became fascinated by the huge monkey idol. The carpet tried to hold Abu back, but the monkey struggled to break free and grab the jewel.

At the top of the staircase, Aladdin reached for the dented dust-covered lamp. "This is it? This is what we came all the way down here to-" Holding the lamp, Aladdin turned to Abu, who was just about to snatch the jewel from the monkey idol. "Abu! No!"

It was too late. The cave began to crumble and the ground began to quiver as the voice of the Tiger-God echoed: "**INFIDELS! YOU HAVE TOUCHED THE FORBIDDEN TREASURES! NOW YOU SHALL NEVER AGAIN SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY!**"

Abu tried to put the jewel back into the monkey idol's paw, but the idol melted away and the cavern shook violently. As the stone stairway magically transformed into a chute, Aladdin found himself sliding down toward a pool of boiling lava. Just in the nick of time, the carpet zoomed in to rescue him. Together they streaked to save Abu who was about to be crushed beneath a falling stone.

"Whoa! Carpet, let's move!" The lava reared back and formed a wave of magma that began chasing the trio. "Abu… Abu this is no time to panic!" They saw that they were flying into a wall. "Start panicking!"

The piles of treasure turned into mountains of fire as the lava followed them into the treasure chamber, and the flames scorched Aladdin and Abu as they flew through the heat.

Suddenly the carpet was pinned by a falling rock, forcing Abu and Aladdin to be thrown forward. They scrambled to the cave entrance. Abu made it out, but after his escape the ground gave way, leaving Aladdin hanging by his fingers. "Help me out!"

"Throw me the lamp!" Jafar loomed above the boy.

The wind swirled violently as Aladdin struggled to pull himself out of the hole. "I can't hold on! Give me your hand!"

"First give me the lamp!" Aladdin fumbled for the lamp and held it out to Jafar, who quickly grabbed it away. Jafar's eyes gleamed as he clutched the lamp with both hands. "YES! At last!"

Jafar turned to see Abu helping Aladdin out of the cave. As he stashed the lamp in his robes, Aladdin looked suspiciously at him. "What are you doing?"

"Giving you your reward–" Jafar dropped his old man voice and held a gleaming dagger over his head "–your _eternal_ reward." Just then, Abu scrambled onto Jafar and bit him, causing him to drop his knife. Jafar viciously hurled the monkey back into the cave with Aladdin.

As Aladdin and Abu hurtled down the steep drop, the carpet zipped toward the entrance to break their fall. Together, the three tumbled down to the floor of the cave. Outside Jafar watched the tiger's head disappear back into the sand. The entrance to the cave was closed forever.

* * *

At last all was still and quiet. Jafar victoriously tore off his mask and reached into his robe for the lamp. "It's mine! It's all mine! With the power of the lamp, I will control the kingdom!" A horrified look came over Jafar as his tore open his robe. "Where is it? NO! … NO!" Jafar looked around desperately as he realized the lamp had somehow disappeared. He fell to his knees and raised his arms helplessly.

* * *

Inside the cave, Aladdin slowly awoke to see a solid cavern ceiling above him. "We're trapped! That two faced son of a jackal! Whoever he was, he's long gone with that lamp."

Abu chattered loudly and, like a magician, happily displayed the lamp.

"Why, you hairy little thief." Aladdin took the lamp and studied it carefully. "It looks like such a beat-up, worthless piece of junk. Hey, I think there's something written here… but it's hard to make out."

Aladdin rubbed the lamp with his arm. It glowed slightly, and then, POOF! Colorful smoke poured out of the spout. It swirled magically, filling the cave until taking the shape of a mighty being. At last the gigantic Genie of the lamp towered over Aladdin.

"OY! Ten-thousand years will give ya such a crick in the neck! Hang on a second! Whaaa… wow! Does it feel good to be outta there. I'm telling you. Nice to be back, ladies and gentlemen. Hi, where ya from? What's your name?" the Genie held a microphone in front of the boy. Suspicious, Aladdin told the Genie his name. "Aladdin."

"Aladdin! Hello, Aladdin. Nice to have you on the show. Can we call you 'Al', or maybe be just 'Din?' Or how bout 'Laddie'?" The Genie turned into a Scotsman. "Sounds like 'Here, boy! C'mon, Laddie!'" The genie turned into a dog with a stick in his mouth. Aladdin shook himself. "I must have hit my head harder than I thought."

"Do you smoke? Mind if I do?" The Genie poofed back, startling Abu. "Oh, sorry Cheetah–hope I didn't singe the fur! Yo, rug-man! Haven't seen you in a few millennia! Slap me some tassel! Yeah! Yo!" The Genie and the carpet did a secret handshake.

The Genie looked closely at Aladdin. "Say, you're a lot smaller than my last master! Either that or I'm getting bigger! Look at me from the side-do I look different to you?"

Aladdin looked surprised. "Wait! Wait… a minute. I'm your master?"

"That's right! He can be taught! What would you wish of me, the ever impressive, the long contained, the often-imitated but never-duplicated… duplicated… duplicated… _Genie of the lamp!_" The Genie turned into Ed Sullivan. "Right here direct from the lamp, right here for your very much wish fulfillment. Thank youuuuu!"

Aladdin began to understand. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! _Wish fulfillment?_"

"Three wishes to be exact. And ix-nay on the wishing for more wishes. That's it! THREE! Uno, dos, tres. No substitutions, exchanges or refunds."

"Now I _know_ I'm dreaming…"

Excited after being contained in the lamp for so long, the Genie jumped about. "Master, I don't think you quite realize what you've got here. So why don't you just ruminate, whilst I illuminate the possibilities!" In a flash the Genie changed size and shape as he magically created an elaborate banquet with beautiful harem girls, swordsmen, camels, and elephants.

"**Well Ali Baba had them 40 thieves,  
Scheherazad-ie had a thousand tales  
But master you in luck 'cuz up your sleeves  
You got a brand of magic never fails  
You got some power in your corner now  
Some heavy ammunition in your camp  
You got some punch! Pizzazz! Yahoo and how  
See all you gotta do is rub that lamp  
And I'll say:**

**Mr. Aladdin, sir  
What will your pleasure be?  
Let me take your order  
Jot it down  
You ain't never had a friend like me  
No no no!**

**Life is your restaurant  
And I'm your maitre'd!  
C'mon whisper what it is you want  
You ain't never had a friend like me**

**Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service  
You're the boss!  
The king! The shah!  
Say what you wish  
It's yours! True dish  
how 'bout a little more Baklava?**

**Have some of column "A"  
Try all of column "B"  
I'm in the mood to help you dude  
You ain't never had a friend like me**

**(Scat Break)**

**Can your friends do this?  
Do your friends do that?  
Do your friends pull this out their little hat?  
Can your friends go poof!  
Well, looky here!  
Can your friends go, Abracadabra, let'er rip!  
And then make the sucker disappear?**

**So doncha sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed  
I'm here to answer all your midday prayers  
You got me bona fide, certified  
You got a genie for your chargé d'affaires  
I got a powerful urge to help you out  
So what-cha wish? I really want to know  
You got a list that's 3 miles long no doubt  
Well, all do is rub like so - and oh**

**Mr. Aladdin, sir have a wish or 2 or 3  
I'm on the job, you big nabob!  
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend  
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend  
You ain't never had a friend like me  
You ain't never had a friend like me, hah!**"

[Applause]

* * *

Suddenly all the Genie created disappeared back into the lamp. With the cave once again empty, the Genie turned to Aladdin. "So what'll it be, master?"

"You're gonna grant me any three wishes I want?"

The Genie turned into William F. Buckley. "Uh, almost. There are a few provisos, a couple of quid pro quo. Rule number one! I can't kill anybody! So don't ask! Rule number two! I can't make anybody fall in love with anybody else! Rule number three! I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture, I don't like doing it! Other than that, you got it!"

Aladdin looked as the Genie with amazement. An idea formed in his head. "Provisos? You mean–_limitations?_ On _wishes?_ Some all-powerful genie! Can't even bring people back from the dead. I don't know, Abu, he probably can't even get us out of this cave! Looks like we're gonna have to find a way out of here!"

The all-powerful Genie had something to prove, and he wasn't about to let Aladdin off so easy. He stomped a giant foot in font of Aladdin and began to talk like Robert De Niro. "Excuse me? Are you lookin' at me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up, did you bring me here? And all of a sudden, you're walkin' out on me? I don't think so! Not right now. You're gettin' your wishes, so SIDDOWN!"

With that, the Genie grabbed Aladdin and Abu and leapt onto the carpet. "In case of emergency, the exits are here, here, here, here, here… anywhere. Keep your hands and arms inside the carpet! WE'RE OUTTA HERE!"

With a resounding boom, a crack appeared in the cavern ceiling and the carpet spiraled up and out into the morning sky. The Genie waved happily as they soared above the desert toward new adventures.


	6. The First Wish

Back at the Palace, the Sultan was scolding Jafar for attempting to run the kingdom behind his back.

"Jafar, this is an outrage. If it weren't for all your years of loyal service... . From now on, you are to discuss sentencing of prisoners with me, _before_ they are beheaded."

"I assure you, your highness, it won't happen again."

"Jasmine, Jafar, now let's put this whole messy business behind us. Please?"

"At least some good will come of my being forced to marry. When I am queen, I will have the power to get rid of you!"

Jasmine took off and her father ran after her. Jafar started scowling.

"If only I had gotten that lamp!"

"'I will have the power to get rid of you'" said Iago in Jasmine's voice. "To think- we gotta keep kissing up to that _chump_, and his _chump_ daughter for the rest of our lives!"

"No, Iago. Only until she finds a "chump" husband. Then she'll have us banished-or beheaded!"

Both of them grabbed their necks and cringed at the idea. Iago quickly formed an idea. "Oh! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Jafar? What if you were the chump husband?"

"What?"

"OK, you marry the princess, alright? Then, uh, you become sultan!"

Jafar smiled at the idea. "Marry the shrew? I become sultan. The idea has merit!"

"Yes, merit! Yes! And then we drop papa-in-law and the little woman off a cliff!"

"Iago, I love the way your foul little mind works!"

* * *

Back with Al, Abu, and Genie, they had just arrived at a lush oasis. And this was after Abu had somehow fallen into a pyramid and Al had to rush in and save him from the mummy's curse. Genie was dressed as a flight attendant and imitating Carol Channing.

"Thank you for choosing Magic Carpet for all your travel needs. Don't stand until the rug has come to a complete stop. Thank you. Good bye, good bye! Thank you! Good bye!"

Genie poofed back to normal "Well, now. How about that, Mr. Doubting Mustafa?

"Oh, you sure showed me. Now about my three wishes?"

"Dost mien ears deceive me? Three? You are down by ONE, boy!"

"I never actually wished to get out of the cave. You did that on your own."

"Well, don't I feel just sheepish? All right, you baaaaad boy, but no more freebies." said Genie as he turned into a Southdown sheep.

"Fair deal. So, three wishes. I want them to be good. What would you wish for?"

"Me? No one's ever asked me that before. Well, in my case, ah, forget it."

Aladdin was stuck wondering what Genie wanted. "Freedom."

"You're a prisoner?"

"It's all part-and-parcel, the whole genie gig. **PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER!** itty bitty living spaces."

"Genie, that's terrible."

"But, oh-to be free. Not have to go "Poof! What do you need? Poof! What do you need? Poof! What do you need?" To be my own master, such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world! But what am I talking about, here? Let's get real here. It's not gonna happen. Genie, wake up and smell the hummus."

"Why not?"

"The only way I get outta this is if my master wishes me out. So you can guess how often that's happened."

"I'll do it. I'll set you free."

Genie's head turned into Pinocchio and extended his nose, believing that Al was lying, until it was pushed back and Al rectified the situation.

"After make my first two wishes, I'll use my third wish to set you free."

The two shook hands on the deal. "Let's make some magic! So how 'bout it. What is it you want most?"

"Well there's this girl…"

"I can't make anybody fall in love, remember?"

"But Genie, she's smart and fun and…"

"Pretty?"

"Beautiful! She's got these eyes that just...and this hair, wow...and her smile."

"C'est l'amour"

"But she's the princess. To even have a chance, I'd have to be a-hey, can you make me a prince?"

Genie pulled out the Royal Cookbook. "Chicken a la king? Nope. Alaskan King Crab?" As he turned the page, Genie's finger was pinched by Sebastian. "I hate when they do that! Caesar Salad?" A dark-skinned arm with a dagger appeared from the book. "Et tu Brute? Then fall Caesar! Ah, 'To Make a Prince,' no is that an official wish? Say the magic words!"

"Genie, I wish for you to make me a prince!"

"Alright!" Genie turned into Arsenio Hall and began hooting. He then wore the outfit of the fashion police. "First, that fez and vest combo is much too third century. These patches-what are we trying to say-beggar? No! Let's work with me here." With a snap of his fingers, Aladdin's clothes transformed into royal clothes and his fez became a fancy turban. I like it, muy macho! Now, still needs something. What does it say to me? It says mode of transportation. Excuse me, monkey boy!"

Abu did not like where this was going, but was sent over by Carpet. Genie was now dressed like Drew Carey. "And what better way to make your grand entrance on the streets of Agrabah, than riding your very own brand new camel! Watch out, it spits!"

Genie was not impressed with the results saying that it was not enough and began snapping his fingers, each time morphing Abu into a different form: horse, duck, rhea, turtle, and a 1957 Cadillac with the license plate saying "4BU1"

"Yes! Esalalumbo, shimin Dumbo!"

On the cue of "Dumbo," Abu was now a full-grown, tusk-less, and long-tailed bull Indian elephant.

"Talk about your trunk space, check this action out! He's got the outfit, he's got the elephant, but we're not through yet. Hang on to your turban, kid, cause we're gonna make you a star!"


	7. Prince Ali

The Sultan was busy reenacting the tale of Noah's Ark with some toy animals. As soon as he got the Ark filled with every animal, Jafar slammed the main doors open, teetering the toy-boat off of the table and onto the floor.

"I have found a solution to the problem with your daughter."

Iago parroted "The problem with your daughter," prompting the Sultan to stuff another matzo into Iago's beak. Jafar unrolled the scroll and read. "If, in the event a suitable prince cannot be found, a princess must then be wed to...hmm...interesting… The royal vizier! Why, that would be...me!"

"But I thought the law says that only a prince can marry a princess, I'm quite sure."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures, milord." Jafar pulled his staff out again and put the Sultan in a trance. "You will order the princess to marry me."

"I…. will… order… the princess to…" the trance momentarily broke, "But you're so old!"

"The princess _will_ marry me!"

Before the Sultan could repeat Jafar's order, a fanfare blared out in the square.

"Jafar, you must come and see this!"

* * *

From down on main street, Genie was dressed as a Major with a cavalcade of soldiers, harem girls, and servants. Leading the parade was Aladdin on top of Abu, now going by the name "Prince Ali."

"**Genie:**  
**Hail! Your attention I pray!**  
**Oh, ye people of Agrabah**  
**This is your lucky day!**

**Hail! High and low, great and small**  
**Lucky people of Agrabah**  
**Someone's coming to call**

**Someone who tamed the Cyclops**  
**Then fought seventy Turks, single-hand**  
**He's richer than Croesus, he goes where he pleases**  
**And this time he's chosen your land**  
**So now here he is with his band**

**Crowd:**  
**Make way for Prince Ali**  
**Say hey! It's Prince Ali**

**Genie:**  
**Hey! Clear the way in the old Bazaar**  
**Hey you!**  
**Let us through!**  
**It's a brand new star!**  
**Oh come**  
**Be the first on your block to meet his eye**

**Make way!**  
**Here he comes!**  
**Ring the bells! Bang the drums!**  
**Are you gonna love this guy!**

**Prince Ali! Fabulous he!**  
**Ali Ababwa**  
**Genuflect, show some respect**  
**Down on one knee!**  
**Now, try your best to stay calm**  
**Brush up you Sunday salaam**  
**Then come and meet his spectacular coterie**

**Prince Ali!**  
**Mighty is he!**  
**Ali Ababwa**  
**Strong as 10 regular men, definitely!**

**He faced the galloping hordes**  
**100 bad guys with swords**  
**Who sent those goons to their lords?**  
**Why, Prince Ali**

**Crowd & Genie:**  
**He's got 75 golden camels**  
**(Don't they look lovely, June?)**  
**Purple peacocks**  
**He's got 53**  
**When it comes to exotic-type mammals**  
**Has he got a zoo?**  
**I'm telling you, it's a world class menagerie!**

**Genie:**  
**Prince Ali! Handsome is he, Ali Ababwa**  
**That physique! How can I speak?**  
**Weak at the knee**  
**Well, get on out in that square**  
**Adjust your veil and prepare**  
**To gawk and grovel and stare at Prince Ali!**

**Girls:**  
**(Sung in counter point)**  
**There's no question this Ali's alluring**  
**Never ordinary, never boring**  
**Everything the man just plain impresses**  
**He's a winner, he's a whiz, he's a wonder!**  
**He's about to pull my heart asunder!**  
**And I absolutely love the way he dresses!**

**Crowd & Genie:**  
**He's got 95 white Persian monkeys**  
**(He's got the monkeys, let's see the monkeys!)**  
**And to view them he charges for free**  
**(He's generous, so generous!)**  
**He's got slaves, he's got servants and flunkies**  
**(Proud to work for him)**  
**They to his whim love serving him**  
**They're just lousy with loyalty to Ali! Prince Ali**

**Prince Ali**  
**Amorous he! Ali Ababwa**  
**Heard your Princess was a sight lovely to see**  
**And that good people is why, he got dolled**  
**up and dropped by**  
**With 60 elephants, llamas galore**  
**With his bears and lions**  
**A brass band and more**  
**With his 40 fakirs, his cooks, and bakes**  
**His birds that warble on key**  
**Make way for Prince Ali!**"

* * *

At the end of this little parade, Jafar had pushed the procession out of the palace and slammed the door shut.

"Splendid! Absolutely marvelous!"

Aladdin got off of Carpet and cleared his throat, deepening his voice. "Your majesty, I have journeyed from afar to seek your daughter's hand."

"I'm afraid, Prince Abooboo-"

"Ababwa!"

"-whatever. You cannot just parade in here uninvited and expect to—"

The Sultan was too distracted by Carpet. "My God, this is quite a remarkable device!" He then took off, despite Jafar's best efforts otherwise. While he was flying, Jafar turned to Aladdin.

"Just where did you say you were from?"

"Oh, much farther than you've traveled, I'm sure."

"Try me!"

The Sultan finally landed on a now dizzy magic carpet, slumping onto Abu's trunk. "If we're lucky, you won't have to marry Jasmine after all."

"I don't trust him, sire."

"Nonsense. One thing I pride myself on Jafar, I'm an excellent judge of character."

"Oh, excellent judge, yeah, sure...not!" Iago retorted.

"I'm pretty sure I'll like Princess Jasmine!"

"Your highness, no! I must intercede on Jasmine's behalf. This boy is no different than the others. What makes him think he is worthy of the princess?"

"Just let her meet me. I will win your daughter!"

"How dare you!" There was Jasmine, she had quietly entered the room while they were arguing. "All of you, standing around deciding my future? I am not a prize to be won!"

She stormed off. The Sultan walked with Aladdin, reassuring that Jasmine need time to cool down. Jafar just stood there glaring at Al. "I think it's time to say good bye to Prince Abooboo."


	8. A Whole New World

Again night fell over Agrabah, but in the vicinity of the Palace, it felt like a warm summer's night. Jasmine was still in her boudoir with Rajah. Aladdin meanwhile was in the garden with Genie, Carpet, and Abu. Abu was having problems peeling bananas with his hands now replaced by soolnds. Al was contemplating what he should do. Carpet and Genie meanwhile were playing chess.

"So move," The Carpet moved his rook, taking out one of Genie's bishops. Genie turned into Rodney Dangerfield. "I can't believe it—I'm losing to a rug!"

"Genie, I need help!"

Genie came over, now in the form of John Wayne. "Alright, partner. If you wanna please little missy, you're gonna hafta be a straight-shooter, ya hear?"

"What?"

"Tell. Her. The. TRUTH!"

"No way! If Jasmine found out I was really some crummy street rat, she'd laugh at me."

"A woman appreciates a man who can make her laugh! All joking aside, you really ought to be yourself."

"That's the last thing I want to be. Okay, I'm gonna go see her."

* * *

Al hopped onto Carpet and flew to Jasmine's balcony

"Princess Jasmine? It's me—Prince Ali Ababwa."

Jasmine groaned at this attempt to hit on her. "I do not want to see you." Rajah slowly went up to Al, teeth bared. "Down kitty!"

Genie flew up to carpet wondering how Al was doing. Carpet did a beheading motion. Genie commented on something that Al said. "I thought I heard 'Good teens, take off your clothes.'"

As Aladdin was trying to keep Rajah at bay, Jasmine turned back to Al. "You remind me of someone I met in the marketplace."

"I have servants that go to the marketplace for me. Why I even have servants who go to the marketplace for my servants, so it couldn't have been me you met."

Genie buzzed up to Al in the form of a bee. "Enough about you, Casanova. Talk about her! She's smart, fun, the hair, the eyes. Anything-pick a feature!"

"Um, Princess Jasmine? You're very beautiful!"

"Hmm. I'm rich too, you know. A fine prize for any prince to marry."

"Uh, right. Right. A prince like me."

"WARNING! WARNING!"

"Right, a prince like you. And every other stuffed shirt, swaggering, peacock I've met"

"Mayday! Mayday!"

"Just go jump off a balcony!"

"Stop her! Stop her! Do you want me to sting her?"

"Buzz off"

"Fine! But remember: **bee** yourself!"

"Yeah, right! I mean, you're right. You aren't just some prize to be won. You should be free to make your own choice. I'll go now."

Al walked off but Jasmine shouted not to do it. Aladdin poked his head up and revealed Carpet.

"It's lovely." The Carpet kissed her hand.

"You, uh, you don't want to go for a ride, do you? We could get out of the palace, see the world."

"Is it safe?

"Sure. Do you trust me?"

"What?" Did he say something that the boy yesterday just said?

"Do you trust me?" It was the same boy! Jasmine grinned slightly before taking Aladdin's hand and sitting on Carpet. Away they went through the skies over Agrabah, Egypt, Greece, and China. While over Greece, they saw Hercules and Megara on a date at the Prometheus Academy, both having gyros.

"**Aladdin:**  
**I can show you the world**  
**Shining, shimmering, splendid**  
**Tell me, princess, now when did**  
**You last let your heart decide?**

**I can open your eyes**  
**Take you wonder by wonder**  
**Over, sideways, and under**  
**On a magic carpet ride**

**A Whole New World**  
**A new fantastic point of view**  
**No one to tell us no**  
**Or where to go**  
**Or say we're only dreaming**

**Jasmine:**  
**A Whole New World**  
**A dazzling place I never knew**  
**But when I'm way up here**  
**It's crystal clear**  
**That now I'm in a whole new world**  
**with you**

**Aladdin:**  
**Now I'm in a whole new world with you**

**Jasmine:**  
**Unbelievable sights**  
**Indescribable feeling**  
**Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling**  
**Through an endless diamond sky**  
**A Whole New World**  
**(Aladdin: Don't you dare close your eyes)**  
**An hundred thousand things to see**  
**(Aladdin: Hold your breath - it gets better)**  
**I'm like a shooting star,**  
**I've come so far**  
**I can't go back to where I used to be!**

**Aladdin:**  
**A Whole New World**  
**(Jasmine: Every turn a surprise)**  
**With new horizons to pursue**  
**(Jasmine: Every moment, red letter)**

**Both:**  
**I'll chase them anywhere**  
**There's time to spare**  
**Let me share this whole new world with you**

**A Whole New World**  
**That's where we'll be**

**Aladdin:**  
**A thrilling chase**

**Jasmine:**  
**A wondrous place**

**Both:**  
**For you and me**"

* * *

The ride ended in Beijing as they watched an army march up to the Imperial Palace. Behind the army was a giant papier-mâché representation of Shenron.

"It's so magical."

"Yeah."

"It's a shame Abu had to miss this."

"Nah, he hates fireworks." Aladdin realized that he had been caught. Jasmine knew the whole time!

"Who are you? Tell me the truth!"

"The truth is… I sometimes dress as a commoner to escape the pressures of palace life." A half-assed answer, but it worked.

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Well, you know, um...royalty going out into the city in disguise, it sounds a little strange, don't ya think?"

"Not that strange."

A low voice coughed behind them. "If you don't mind, could I please have somewhere to sit and watch the procession?" It was a large Mongolian man in bear-pelts.

"Oh no, we were just leaving."

The carpet flew off. The man turned and narrowed his eyes towards the Emperor, Li Yuan. "Perfect!"

They arrived back at the Palace, where they both kissed. Finally, after a 24-hour period they joined lips.

"Good night, my handsome prince."

"Sleep well, princess."

* * *

Al laid back into Carpet as they floated down back into the garden. "For the first time in my life, things are starting to go right!"

But then, the guards swarmed around him and tied him up. Abu was strung up too and Captain Razoul tied a knot in Carpet. Jafar appeared. "I'm afraid you've worn out your welcome, Prince Abooboo. Make sure he's never found."

Razoul beat Al over the head with a club and dumped him off of a cliff into the sea. As he sank to the bottom, his turban came off. Still out cold, his hands touched the lamp and out came Genie. "Never fails. Get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp. Hello? Al? Al! Kid, snap out of it! You can't cheat on this one! I can't help you unless you make a wish. You have to say 'Genie I want you to save my life.' Got it? Okay. C'mon Aladdin! I'll take that as a yes." Genie turned into a sub and pulled Aladdin out of the water. After a session of CPR, Al was conscious again, and he thanked his cobalt compadré. The two sped off to the palace.

* * *

Jasmine was brushing her hair, and humming her special song that she had with Aladdin.

"Jasmine…"

"Oh, father-I just had the most wonderful time. I'm so happy!"

"You should be, Jasmine. I have chosen a husband for you. You will wed Jafar."

Jafar had put the Sultan in yet another trance.

"You're speechless, I see. A fine quality in a wife."

"I will never marry you! Father, I choose Prince Ali!"

"Prince Ali left."

"Better check your crystal ball again, Jafar!"

Aladdin was back, now dripping wet from his brief dip.

Both Iago and Jafar were shocked. "How the fu—I mean—awk!"

"Tell them the truth, Jafar! You tried to have me killed!"

"Ridiculous nonsense, your highness. He is obviously lying."

Jasmine tried to snap her father out of his trance. Aladdin did it for her…

…by smashing Jafar's staff! The Sultan woke up.

"Your highness, Jafar's been controlling you with this!"

"Jafar! You traitor!"

The Sultan called for the guards. Jafar then saw something in Aladdin's turban: The lamp! As he was grabbed by Razoul and Fazaal, a dark-skinned guard who smelled of fish thanks to Al pantsing him, he pulled out a smoke bomb, and vanished.

"Jafar, my most trusted counselor, plotting against me all this time. Just horrible. How will I ever- Can it be true? My daughter has finally chosen a suitor? Praise the Lord!"

The Sultan announced that they will get married first thing in the morning, and then Aladdin will eventually become Sultan. Aladdin got nervous about this idea.

* * *

Back in the secret lab, Jafar was cracking up at the fact that his new rival was the same street-rat that he had arrested yesterday.

"He has the lamp, Iago! And you are going to relieve him of it!"

* * *

The next morning, Aladdin was in the guest pavilion. Genie pulled out a camcorder and began filming Al. "Aladdin, you've just won the heart of the princess. What are you gonna do next?" Al said nothing. Genie pulled out the script and jumped to the last couple of pages of Act 3. "Psst, your line is 'I'm going to free the genie." Either that or 'I'm going to Disneyland'.

"Genie, I can't. I'm serious. Look, I'm sorry-I really am. But they want to make me sultan-no!, They want to make Prince Ali sultan. Without you, I'm just Aladdin. I won because of you. The only reason anyone thinks I'm anything is because of you. What if they find out I'm not really a prince? What if Jasmine finds out? I'm sorry… I can't wish you free…"

Genie was hurt. He sank back into his lamp. "Hey, I understand. After all, you've lied to everyone else. Hey, I was beginning to feel left out. Now, if you'll excuse me, master."

Aladdin was now on his own. "What am I doing? Genie's right-I gotta tell Jasmine the truth."

"Ali, oh Ali-will you come here?"

"Well, here goes. Jasmine? Where are you?"

"In the menagerie, hurry."

As soon as Al left, Iago flew into the pavilion, patting himself on the back for imitating Jasmine. He grabbed the lamp and flew off to the lab.


	9. Jafar's Hour

Aladdin finally got to the menagerie that he heard Jasmine call him from.

"Jasmine?"

"Ali, where have you been?"

"There's something I've got to tell you."

"The whole kingdom has turned out for father's announcement!"

"No! But Jasmine, listen to me, please!"

"Good luck!"

She pushed her prince right next to the Sultan.

* * *

From high above in their tower hideout, Jafar and Iago surveyed how Aladdin might choke at this announcement.

"Look at them, cheering that little pipsqueak."

"Let them cheer." Jafar rubbed the lamp, summoning a still peeved Genie.

"You know Al, I'm getting really-" Genie saw that he wasn't talking to Al. "I don't think you're him." Genie pulled out a playbill and read it through theatre glasses. "Tonight, the role of Al will be played by a tall, dark and sinister ugly man."

"I am your new master now!"

"I was afraid of that..."

Jafar gave a cruel smile as he thought of the possibilities that he can pull off with his new slave. "After all this time, all of those who treated me like dirt will get a taste of their own medicine!"

"Ooh, this has been a long time coming!"

"Oh, if only you knew Iago: It's been a lifetime!

**In my formative and hungry years  
I was unappreciated by my peers  
As their slings and arrows flew  
I would ponder - wouldn't you?  
Why me? Why me?**"

"Sing it, baby!"

"**For a man of my charisma and mystique  
I have taken far too long to reach my peak  
Why was my status never quo?  
Why did no one want to know?  
Poor me, why me?**

**Why was I so unable to fulfill my true potential?**"

"Give me a tissue, I'm crying!"

"**Kept down by those I knew were smaller fry  
Inconsequential, but here's the rub  
Rub-a-dub-dub**

Grant me my first wish. I wish to rule on high, as sultan!"

* * *

"People of Agrabah, my daughter has finally chosen a suitor! Prince Ali Ababwa!"

The crowd roared as Aladdin waved nervously. The sky grew dark as storm clouds circled above the palace. The roof of the menagerie was torn off by gusts of wind. All at once, the Sultan started floating as his clothing disappeared…

…and reappeared on Jafar!

"You vile betrayer! What manner of trickery is this, Jafar?!"

"No trickery, you rotund nincompoop!

**I am power, I am clout personified  
I've a genie and sheer malice on my side  
It's a combination which  
Works me up to fever pitch  
Big 'G' and me**"

Aladdin flew up to the now enormous Genie, who was now lifting the palace onto the mountainside.

"Genie, no!"

"Sorry, kid-I got a new master now." Even though he was working for a potential terrorist, he still cared for the boy.

"And now, you will bow to me!"

"We'll never bow to you!"

"If you will not bow before a sultan, then you will cower before a sorcerer! Genie, my second wish: I wish to be the most powerful sorcerer in the world!"

Genie closed his eyes in despair and fired a bolt at Jafar. Immediately, the royal outfit on Jafar transformed into his old garb as he held a modified snake staff.

"**When the master of the lamp says, 'Bow,' you bow!  
You forget who wears the pants around here now  
A man who knows just what to do  
And who to do it to  
Who's he? M-E!**

**And as for you, you little twerp  
From now on, it's 'as you were' time  
Let's have your pretty princess  
See how she's been wasting her time  
Let's strip him bare there's nothing there!**

Take a good look at your precious Prince Ali!"

"Or should we say Aladdin?"

"He's nothing more than a worthless lying street rat!"

Jasmine was in a mix of emotions. Her prince was indeed the same boy from the marketplace two days ago. To add insult to injury, he was never a prince at all.

"Ali…"

"Jasmine, I'm sorry. I tried to tell you." Jafar intervened just before they could hug.

"**Though I hate to break a partnership  
You're going on a one-way trip  
To a corner of the sphere  
Not a million miles from here  
But two! Toodle-loo!**

**Who's the titan, who's the champ?  
Who's the master of the lamp?  
Who's the one who'll take up  
Pages in Who's Who?  
Who? Why, ME!**"

Jafar had sent Aladdin and Abu into one of the towers and launched it like a golf ball. He did not notice that Carpet flew into the open window. Genie saw it all and was in despair. Jafar turned to his new prisoners and laughed maniacally.


	10. Happy End in Agrabah

When Aladdin came to, all around him was snow. He was on the edge of a cliff somewhere in the Himalayas. He heard the chattering of teeth. There was Abu, bunched up in a small ball covered in snow. He dug the monkey out of the snow and wrapped him in his vest.

"Oh, this is all my fault-I should have freed the genie when I had the chance. I made a mess of everything, somehow. I gotta go back and set things right."

He started to walk through the snow, and he eventually stepped on a frozen Carpet. He was pinned down by the tower that Jafar blasted them in.

"Abu, start digging!" Both of them began to dig away at the snow to un-wedge the Carpet from the tower. Finally, enough snow was removed, and the tower began to roll. Aladdin and Abu ran away but looked back, sliding into the right place to avoid getting crushed. The tower rolled over them, leaving a bare patch that was shaped like a window. With Carpet free, the three flew back to Agrabah.

* * *

As they flew through the town, there were people running in panic through the streets. Inside the palace, Jafar sat on a snake-shaped throne with the Sultan dressed as a jester, and tied to puppet stings. Iago was stuffing matzo into his mouth. Rajah was transformed into a cub and locked in a small birdcage. Jasmine had the worst treatment of all: Jafar's personal harem girl.

"It pains me to see you reduced to this, Jasmine. A beautiful desert bloom such as yourself should be on the arm of the most powerful man in the world."

Jasmine was disgusted at the idea that she tossed a wine glass at him, the alcohol stinging his eyes.

"I'll teach you some respect! No. Genie, I have decided to make my final wish. I wish for Princess Jasmine to fall desperately in love with me."

Genie again turned into Buckley. "Ah master. There are a few provisos, a couple of quid pro quo…"

"Don't talk back to me, you stupid blue lout! You will do what I order you to do, slave!"

Jasmine saw a familiar face in the window. It was Aladdin, motioning her to play along. She turned to Jafar and began to put on the tiara that he had just magicked.

"Jafar! I never realized how incredibly handsome you are."

Genie's jaw dropped like an anvil, prompting Jafar to pull it like a window shade. Genie looked at his finger in amazement. Did he really just do that? Then he saw Aladdin. "Al! Al, little buddy!"

Al motioned a finger to his lips, and Genie responded by zipping his shut. He poofed over and unzipped. "Al, I can't help you-I work for señor psychopath, now."

"Hey, I'm a street rat, remember? I'll improvise."

* * *

Iago was already taken care of by Abu. Al went for the lamp, causing a fruit bowl to fall and hit the ground. Jafar turned around, but Jasmine pressed her lips hard against his. Aladdin, Genie, Abu, _and_ Iago were all disgusted. But then Jafar saw Aladdin in the reflection on her tiara.

"You! How many times do I have to kill you, boy?"

It was a tussle for the lamp. Jasmine grabbed the lamp, but Jafar zapped her with his staff. She was now trapped in a giant hourglass, the sand pouring down on her.

Abu smacked Iago over the head with another bowl, only to be blasted by another zap, turning him into a toy monkey. "Don't toy with me!"

The Carpet went for the lamp. "Things are unraveling fast, now boy. Get the point?"

The Carpet was now a pile of purple string and tassels. A ring of swords blocked Al from the lamp as Jafar picked it up. Al grabbed one of the swords and came at him.

"I'm just getting warmed up!" A raging fire swirled around Aladdin and Jafar.

"Are you afraid to fight me yourself, you cowardly snake?"

"A snake, am I? Perhaps you'd like to see how ssssssssssssnake-like I can be!"

Jafar immediately transformed into a giant cobra, the fire turning into his tail. Aladdin defended himself with the sword he just picked up and hit the cobra's snout.

"Rick'em rack'em rock'em ruck'em!

Get that lamp and really fight!"

"You ssstay out of thisss!"

"Jafar, Jafar, he's our man-if he can't do it, GREAT!"

Aladdin jumped on a large gem and slides across the floor, grabbing the sword on his way. He turned a corner, but the pursuing snake could not, and the front half of Jafar crashed through a wall and hung outside the palace. Aladdin jumped up on the snake's back and stabbed it. Jafar screamed in agony. Aladdin again tries to free the princess using his sword against the hourglass. But he was stopped by Jafar's coils.

"You little fool! You thought you could defeat the mossst powerful being on earth! Without the genie, boy, you're nothing!"

"The genie has more power than you'll ever have! He gave you your power, he can take it away!"

"Al, what are you doing? Why are you bringing me into this?"

"Face it, Jafar-you're only second rate!"

"You're right! His power does exceed my own! But not for long!"

"The boy is crazy. He's a little punch drunk. One too many hits with the snake!"

"Ssslave, I make my third wish! I wish to be an all-powerful genie!"

Genie was against the idea. "All right, your wish is my command. Way to go, Al." Genie zapped Jafar with the last Genie tm brand lightning bolt. Jafar's snake form dissipated transformed into an ifrit. With the coils no longer up, Aladdin ran over and finally smashed the glass, releasing Jasmine.

"Yes! Yes! The power! The absolute power!"

Jafar's colossal form broke through the ceiling and created a hurricane. "What have you done?" "Trust me!"

A black lamp formed at the bottom of Jafar's "tail." The ifrit connected to it was too busy playing with the cosmos. "The universe is mine to command! To control!"

"Not so fast, Jafar! Aren't you forgetting something? You wanted to be a genie, you got it! And everything that goes with it! Phenomenal cosmic powers!"

Jafar now saw manacles form over his wrists as he was sucked into his new lamp. He grabbed Iago as he was pulled in.

"Itty bitty living space."

"Al, you little genius, you!"

* * *

With Jafar's reign of terror over, all of his black magic was undone. The palace was back to its normal position. From within the lamp, Iago and Jafar were arguing about their itty bitty living space.

"Ten- thousand years in a Cave of Wonders ought to chill him out!"

The Genie took the lamp and went to the balcony, wearing a baseball cap. He wound up as if to throw the lamp, but opened his palm flat and flicked it out into the desert with his finger. Both Aladdin and Jasmine were saying their good-byes, saddening Genie. Jasmine again brought up the unfair law of royalty marrying royalty, prompting Genie to bring up that Al could wish himself back to being a prince again.

"But Genie, what about your freedom?"

"Hey, it's only an eternity of servitude. This is love. Al, you're not gonna find another girl like her in a million years. Believe me, I know. I've looked."

"Jasmine, I do love you, but I've got to stop pretending to be something I'm not."

"I understand."

"Genie, I wish for your freedom."

"One bona fide prince pedigree coming up. I-what?"

"You're free!"

Genie was enveloped in a bright light. When it faded, Genie's manacles fell off and vanished. "I'm free. I'm free. Quick, quick, wish for something outrageous. Say 'I want the Nile.' Wish for the Nile. Try that!"

"I wish for the Nile?"

"No Way!" Genie laughed hysterically and bounced about like a pinball and began packing a suitcase.

"Genie, I'm gonna miss you."

"Me too, Al. No matter what anybody says, you'll always be a prince to me."

The Sultan felt it necessary to chime in "That's right. You've certainly proven your worth as far as I'm concerned. It's that law that's the problem. From this day forth, the princess shall marry whomever she deems worthy."

Jasmine was excited about this. This was the sort of birthday present she wanted: a chance to marry for love! Al and Jasmine embraced each other.

"Oh, all of ya. Come over here. Big group hug!" Genie came out dressed like Robin Williams on a visit to Walter Cronkite. "Mind if I kiss the monkey? Ooh, hairball! Well, I can't do any more damage around this popsicle stand. I'm outta here! Bye, bye, you two crazy lovebirds. Hey, rug-man: ciao! I'm history! No, I'm mythology! No, I don't care what I am-I'm free!"

Genie vanished in a puff of smoke, as Jasmine and Aladdin looked at each other lovingly.

But their story was far from over…

* * *

In memory of Robin Williams (1951-2014)


	11. I'm Looking Out for Me

Night over the desert… So peaceful, yet so dangerous. A cobra's nest was disturbed. She hissed at the beings that disturbed her: a band of horseback-riding thieves. They galloped across the dunes to an enclave. Within it was the Temple of the Tiger God. The very same temple that Abnor Mal left to. More thieves, dressed in black cloaks watched as the riders hauled their ill-gotten gains off of their horses.

"This night has been quite rewarding! We have never stolen so much."

"We have gathered much loot tonight!"

"No thanks to our leader."

The riders turned to a short fat man with 5-o' clock shadow with his arm stuck in a vase. He pulled out and shattered it.

"Well, it only looked expensive."

The leader, Abis Mal by name, turned his attention to a treasure chest.

"Is this a haul or what, my surly band of desert skunks?"

Abis Mal took a gilded flower out of the chest. Abis' second in command, a tall Moroccan named Haroud Hazi Bin, asked the all-important question: "How is it you get the jeweled flower, Abis Mal?"

"Why, this is my bonus for being your beloved leader." He pointed towards the open chest and a large sack of rupees calling them is "beloved leader bonus." When the other thieves asked what their reward was, Abis simply tossed them a small pouch containing 50 dinars. The thieves were ticked at their leader's insatiable greed outweighing the well-being of his minions. They were about to rip him a new one when they saw the open chest start to levitate a few inches off the ground. A thief picked up the chest and there was Abu, lifting nearly 50 pounds of gold and wood! "Eep! Hewwo!"

"You stupid monkey!"

"Put him down, Abis Mal!"

Aladdin arrived just in time to save his friend's skin. "Who are you?"

"My friends call me Al. But you can call me Aladdin."

"HURT HIM!"

After a brief chase, Aladdin and Abu were corned. They would have been street-rat kebobs had Carpet not arrived in the nick of time. This time, Abis had the guts to grab hold of the tassels. Abu meanwhile grabbed the gilded flower and watched as Abis fell straight down into the stone palm of the Tiger God's statue. They made it out of the temple just as the doors slammed shut.

* * *

Out in the middle of the desert, a small argument was taking place.

"Finally! This is terrific! I got sand in places I didn't even know I had."

Iago had managed to dig himself and Jafar's lamp out from the Cave of Wonders. He was waist deep in Jafar's black lamp.

"Spare me your prattling, Iago! Are we out yet?" shouted the evil vizier-turned-ifrit

"'Are we out yet? Are we out yet?' Yes, we're out! No thanks to you. If it weren't for me... you'd be stuck down there forever!"

"Iago! You will now release me... so that I may have my revenge. Do as I say, you worthless pipsqueak!"

"You know something? You're nothing without me. Who comes up with all the good ideas? Me! Who does all the work? Me!"

If it weren't for me you still be in a cage at the bazaar, squawking, 'Polly want a cracker!'" Iago had it up to here with Jafar's constant bickering.

"**That's it!**  
**I've had it!**  
**I hate to be dramatic**  
**But it's time for me to fly the coop**  
**Terrific!**  
**Fine!**  
**I'm drawin' the line**  
**Before I wind up in a parrot soup!**  
**I was a fool to let you run the show**  
**I'm cuttin' ya loose, pal!**  
**Look out below!**  
**Arrividerci!**  
**C'est la vie!**  
**Hope all goes well!**  
**I'm lookin' out for me!**"

Iago dropped the lamp down a well and flew off to Agrabah. He sat on a camel's hump.

"Just a juicy golden goose ready for plucking... and I'm the one holdin' the tweezers! I'll be runnin' this town inside a week! What's your problem, liver lips? You don't think I can do it?!

**Okay! I'm little,**  
**Been playin' second fiddle**  
**And I don't get no respect**  
**I turn the other cheek**  
**But this busted beak**  
**Is the only thanks that I get!**  
**I never found a friend that I can trust**  
**They promise caviar**  
**And leave me eatin' dust!**  
**That's some reward for loyalty**  
**From here on in**  
**I'm lookin' out for me!**  
**Oh, I don't need nobody else**  
**I'll never fail**  
**I'll cover my own tail**  
**I can take care of myself!**

**You know, it just don't pay**  
**To give a hoot**  
**I'm givin' all my heart**  
**What do I get?**  
**Da boot!**  
**I'm through wit' that**  
**I'm flappin' free**  
**From here on in**  
**I'm lookin' out for me!"**

Iago was hit by a watermelon tossed at him by Omar. In his big number, Iago inavertedly stole from Omar, Bakak, and Farouk. "Steal from us again and your scrawny body will be dinner for the jackals!"

"Sure… No problem!"


	12. Genie's Back

Aladdin and Abu flew over the roofs of Agrabah throwing the money that Abis Mal and his bandits stole. A gold staff fell into a beggar's wooden bowl. The two children from the slums and their mother were blessed with a satchel of gold. Abu was reluctant about throwing away everything, until Aladdin reminded him that they don't need it and that he wasn't going to throw everything away. He looked at the gilded flower and headed to the palace.

Upon landing on Jasmine's balcony, he was tackled by Rajah. The tiger remembered him as the boy who defeated Jafar and licked his face. "OK, Rajah, OK. I'm glad to see you, too." He turned to the two pets and Carpet and and asked "How do I look?"

"I think you look fine."

"Jasmine!"

"Where were you? I missed you."

"I had to pick up a few things." He presented the gilded flower. "It was a steal."

Jasmine and Aladdin went into the "cage." Abu followed, eyes locked onto the gilded flower. "Father wants you to join us for dinner tonight. He's going to make a royal announcement."

"And he wants me there?"

"It's about you."

"Am I in trouble?"

"Let's just say this is a dinner you don't want to miss."

"Jasmine, what's going on?"

"I promised Father I wouldn't spoil his surprise. You've made quite an impression, you know."

"So I'm not in trouble?"

"Of course not. You defeated Jafar, saved Agrabah, and rescued a princess. Aladdin, you are a hero!"

"Yeah, I guess so." The thought of being called a national hero had merit. "That's me! Ready for anything!"

But if only he was ready for Abu and Rajah playing chase. A few seconds later, Abu landed in some of Jasmine's makeup and the powder covered both him and Aladdin. "You may want to change before dinner, though."

* * *

Iago was standing on the gates to the palace. "Seems like only yesterday Jafar was running Agrabah. And I was his right-hand bird. But then he had to go and mess things up! Now I'm stuck on the outside looking in. I gotta get back into the palace! Back into power!"

Just then Aladdin and Abu came out of the palace, both wearing royal garments. In fact, Aladdin was once again wearing his Prince Ali outfit.

"Well, my dear Abu... shall we stroll before our audience with the sultan?"

Abu chittered in agreement. Iago was utterly humiliated. "The street rat is living in the palace now? That does it! All reports are in! Life is now officially unfair!"

An idea struck. Iago would pull a "wounded gazelle" gambit, in order to sympathize with Aladdin. Iago muddied himself up and crawled up to Al's boots "gasping" about escaping Jafar's lamp and slowly dying. Aladdin wasn't buying any of it and tried to grab him. "I'm serious! I was under Jafar's power! He mesmerized me with his snake staff! Just like the Sultan!" Aladdin and Abu chased Iago through the market and bumped into Abis Mal!

"You… look familiar?"

"It's Aladdin."

"Where?! It is? I knew that! Hurt him a lot! Hurt him and his monkey and his bird, too!"

A fight broke out between Aladdin and Abis Mal's thugs. The thugs had the upper hand but then Iago, out of nowhere sent a barrel rolling towards the bandits. The barrel and the bandits landed in a chicken cart, startling the owner Katzenberg. "My eggs... ruined! Who will pay for them? Guards!"

Captain Razoul and Hakim showed up.

"What is the trouble here?"

"It is that thief Abis Mal!"

Abis Mal hijacked the cart causing the two guards and Katzenberg to give chase.

"Thanks for your help. You saved me."

"I did? Right! Oh, yeah! Of course I saved you! It's my nature. I'm always rescuing things. Cats, babies, guys like you, always rescuing. You owe me, pal! I saved your life!"

Aladdin stopped Abu from trying to clobber the macaw with a sausage and decided to take it up with…

"What?! The Sultan?!" Aladdin had locked Iago up in a cage in the garden.

"Don't worry, I'll talk to him. Soften him up a little."

"Are you kidding? He hates me! And what about the princess?!"

"Hmm? No problem. I just have to make sure that Jasmine doesn't see you until I've gotten her prepared."

"Gotten me prepared for what?" Jasmine arrived.

"I mean... for the... for the stain... Abu got on the brand new vest you gave him."

"I don't see a stain"

"Well, no problem, then. Off to dinner. Can't wait for that surprise."

"Is something wrong? You aren't hiding anything from me, are you? Any more secrets?"

"Secrets? Of course not! I almost lost you once that way. I'll never make that mistake again."

"Hopefully this is one that you'll never regret!" A small blue bottle bounced into the scene and with a puff of blue smoke, Genie appeared wearing a new set of brass cufflets, a loud-shirt, a Canon Camera, and a duffle bag with stickers from all over the known-21st century-world. "He's big, he's blue, he's back! GOOD MORNING, AGRABAH! I wanna tell ya it's great to be back in your marvelous desert. And I mean it sincerely, I really do!"

"Genie! You're back!"

Genie began to cringe, citing it as a sunburn. After applying some aloe-lotion to the burn, he gave some more luggage to Abu, and the capuchin dropped to the floor. "Careful, they're heavy! Hang on, I got souvenirs for everybody!" Genie pulled out some more bags and turned them over, spilling the contents, including a Mexican sombrero, a German teddy bear, a brat on a hoagie bun (complete with Yankees fan gear), and a Hawaiian dance-bobbler.

"I just got got back from the Grand Tour! It's a big, wide, wonderful world we live in!"

Jasmine asked about the dancer that she was holding. "What strange place could have a thing like this?" "Waikiki, baby! Mele Kalikimaka! You would not believe the places I've seen! I don't believe some of them! I have made it to the four corners of the globe! I was even in someplace where Pirates used bats to hit flies!"

Aladdin looked at Genie in question. "Don't bats eat flies?" "Not in Pittsburg!" Genie morphed into a hot dog vendor "Getcher red hots here! Peanuts, popcorn, program books!"

The "lights" dimmed and a stage appeared. Genie poofed on stage in the outfit of a cowboy, accompanied by the Country Bear Jamboree.

"**Grab yer pardner by the hand  
Swing him round 'til he can't stand  
Chickens in a basket, squirrels in a tree  
You ain't never had a Friend Like Me!**

OK boys take five. I'd like to take the volume down a bit and sing a few old classics like on Broadway:

**Tale as old as time  
True as it can be  
Barely even friends  
Beauty and the-**

**Look at this stuff  
Isn't neat?  
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?  
Wouldn't you think I'm a genie who has everything?**

**And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon  
Or whether we have white or copper skin…**

**I want adventure in the great wide-**

**Ever just the same  
Ever a surprise  
Though I was singing here  
They saw me disappear  
Right before their eyes!**

Someone even thought I was Elvis! And once, right in the middle of breakfast, a gigantic asteroid streaked down from outer space and completely destroyed the earth! No, wait. That won't happen until 4099."

"So, Genie, how does it feel to be free?"

"Seriously? I love it!" Genie again cringed. "OK, maybe my powers aren't what they used to be. Let's say they're semi-phenomenal nearly cosmic, but don't sell me short. I may be free, but I still have some magic in me." Genie poofed up a saw-box "Who's first? I can do this!"

"Genie, we have to go to... "

"Dinner! We're late!"

Jasmine was right! The sun had already set once Genie arrived home. "You probably have a romantic dinner for two planned. You don't need a big blue lug gumming up the works. Three's a crowd. You kids go on."

"Genie, I would be honored if you'd join us for dinner."

"You would?"

Genie gave everyone a big group hug and announced that he would be cooking. Aladdin however told Abu to stand guard and make sure Iago won't get out.


	13. The Return of Jafar

Out in the desert. Abis Mal regrouped with the thieves that were with him during their unsuccessful attempt at killing Aladdin. They were at a well somewhere near the Cave of Wonders site.

"That stinking Aladdin. First chance I get, I'll slice him in half!"

"That stinking Abis Mal. First chance we get, let's slice him in half."

The thieves drew their swords while Abis Mal tried to wash himself with the well water. A metal object hit his head with a CLANG. "What is this? So help me, I'll sue whoever runs this well! A lamp. Well, well, it might be worth... a few shekels once it's cleaned up."

His minions readied their scimitars while their boss was rubbing the lamp. "It will be of little use to you, Abis Mal! Except to light your way to the Valley of the Dead!"

Red smoke spewed from the lamp. "It is bewitched!" The thieves ran off leaving their boss to his own devices. All at once the smoke transformed into the towering figure of the ifrit Jafar.

"**I am free! Free to exact vengeance upon he who has imprisoned me!**"

Jafar attempted to fly off to Agrabah but his manacles stopped him. "**It is the curse of the lamp. All the power in the universe... and I am bound by the rules of the genie! Which means I can't kill that upstart Aladdin! Unless I have someone arrange it for me. Take me to Agrabah at once!**" Jafar towered over Abis Mal, who was close to soiling his pants in fright, due to the ifrit's immense size and deep bellowing voice. "**I suppose I am a bit too much for his limited mind.**"

Jafar dissolved into vapor and reformed into a more manageable form. It was his old Grand Vizier outfit. "I trust you'll find me a little less overwhelming now?

"You're... a genie?"

"You are astonishingly perceptive."

"If you're a genie, then don't I get wishes?

"Yes, three wishes. That is a minor formality. But, first, I must go to Agrabah. You will take the lamp there for me."

"Then... you need me…." An idea formed in his head. "I'll take you to Agrabah... but, first, I want my wishes."

Jafar got visibly angrier and shot a few bolts of lightning at the thief. "**Why, you...!**" He calmed down and formed an idea of his own. "You shall have your wishes."

"I shall? I mean, of course I shall! Oh, I want... I want riches, treasure! Let's see, I know... I wish for the legendary sunken treasure ship... of Coeur du Mer!"

"Your wish is my command."

At once the desert was now an ancient shipwreck underneath the Persian Gulf's waves. A shark came at Abis Mal, but Jafar stopped it with his snake staff. A squid wrapped a tentacle around the thief. "Poor sweet baby. Aren't we enjoying our wish? Perhaps you wish me to return you to the desert?" Abis Mal was turning blue from a lack of oxygen and nodded yes. They were back in the desert. "That was two wishes. Take your time with the third. Or you will wish you had never been born. On the other hand, if you cooperate with me... I will see that you are amply rewarded."

"Rewarded?"

"First, you will help me get revenge on a certain street rat by the name of... Aladdin."

"Aladdin?! I want revenge on him, too! He robbed me, turned my men against me...

and he fought dirty! My brilliant swordsmanship availed me not!"

"Let's not be too hasty, my simple-minded friend. It's not enough that we simply destroy Aladdin. After all, there are things so much worse than **death!**"

Jafar and Abis Mal looked at each other in evil glee. A thunderstorm grew around them as Jafar laughed maniacally.


	14. Forget About Love

Back at the palace, Genie was making pizzas for the royal banquet that the Sultan was holding for Aladdin. While slicing the pepperoni, samurai-style, his knives cut through his hand, severing it from his arm. The hand got up and did a Charleston dance. "Excuse me while I pull myself together."

The Sultan was most amused of seeing Genie again. "Aladdin, you have proven to be a man of strong moral character. That is why I've decided to make you my new royal vizier. Isn't it wonderful?"

Genie got excited and began a promotional stunt in honor of the announcement including giving Al a "Genie award," t-shirts, and a royal herald. "So, what's a royal vizier?"

"Well, he will be my most trusted advisor."

"Well, that makes sense. He's bound to be better than that Jafar character." Genie's head morphed into that of Jafar. "Quite so!" "And Iago, whew! Talk about a rat with wings! That bird was mean! 'Sultan want a cracker?' Remember that?" Genie's head morphed again, this time into Iago and holding a piece of matzo. "I can still taste them! The traitor!" "Yes, sir! You don't see this guy hanging out with any evil parrots!"

"It's funny you should mention Iago."

* * *

"Oh, monkey! Ooh ooh ooh ooh! Come on! Monkey, little birdie want to talk to monkey. Have nice banana. Birdie get monkey a pretty banana if monkey open cage. Yum yum!" Iago was desperately trying to get Abu to unlock the cage, even going for the "wife and three kids" gambit. Abu had an idea seeing Rajah eye the parrot. "Come on, open the cage! Open it! Open it! Open it!" The monkey did so, having brought the tiger over. "Yeah, that's more like it." Iago was then greeted by 30 feline teeth. "Close the cage! Close it! Close it! Close it!"

Rajah pounced on the cage denting it and giving Iago a chance to make a break for it "Your monkey's trying to kill me! I saved your life! It's payback time, Aladdin!" Rajah managed to grab Iago in his mouth, mid-pounce, but in doing so, he ended up disrupting dinner. Jasmine scolded him. "Rajah! You know better than to tear around the palace like that!"

The Sultan resumed his question, "So, Aladdin, why did you bring up that deceitful parrot?"

Aladdin tried to dodge the question, but the parrot made his presence known by making the tiger sneeze. The Sultan called for the guards to take care of the bird, an order that Razoul was willing to carry out right then and there. They would have been having chicken for dinner had Aladdin not intervened "You don't understand! Just listen! I have a... Your Highness!"

"I trust he has a fitting explanation for this... this scandal?"

"He had better." Both Jasmine and the Sultan glared at the boy.

"Look, I just... Iago's not all that bad. At least I don't think so anyway."

"'Not all bad?' He only served my greatest enemy, that's all!"

"We can't allow that traitorous bird to run free!"

"Then I'll watch him! You Highness, I meant, with your permission... I'd like to take full responsibility for Iago."

"You would?! Your priorities seem questionable to me, but so be it. Aladdin, you will watch Iago every moment."

"And if the bird makes one wrong move, you shall be the one I pluck, street-rat."

Razoul left the room followed by the Sultan. "That could've gone worse." Genie spoke too soon. Jasmine was still glaring at Al.

"You were hiding Iago all along, weren't you?! I thought you had changed!"

The princess ran off to her boudoir. Aladdin was left looking at the mess that he just made for not coming clean just before Genie arrived home.

"Hey, Jasmine's just a little steamed. She'll cool down. Care for a cup? This isn't cheering you up, is it?" Genie morphed into a teapot and offered some Darjeeling to Al and Abu. "I don't get it, Genie. I try to do something good and it blows up in my face!" "That's the problem with doing the right thing. Sometimes you do it by yourself."

"That kid saved my life. Nobody's ever looked out for me before. Now, it's like I owe him… Nah!" Iago was looking at Aladdin leaving the scene. Genie appeared in the form of Jiminy Cricket. "Just let your conscience be your guide." "Conscience? Never had one. Never." Iago flew off, only to be startled by Genie again, this time as a grotesque jack-in-the-box. "What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?" "A-ha! You do have a heart! An itty-bitty one, but it is there." Genie pointed towards his skulking friend. "Look at him. Would it kill you to do something nice for him?"

"Possibly… I don't do nice."

"Oh c'mon! It'll be fun!"

"I don't do fun either!"

"We have to get Al and the princess back together!"

"Look, I definitely don't do mushy stuff! It's not me!"

"I know, but it's going to be _tricky_."

"_Tricky_ is good. _Tricky_ I can do!"

* * *

Jasmine was sobbing alongside Rajah in the "cage." She did not notice that Iago was nearby. "Come on, Princess! Don't waste your tears on him." She threw a pillow at him. "Hey, don't take it out on me! He's the creep. I never should have saved his life."

"Saved his life?"

"Yeah, he owed me one. That's why he stood up for me."

"But he didn't have to lie to me."

"You are so right.

**Forget about that guy**  
**Forget about the way you fell into his eyes**  
**Forget about his charms**  
**Forget about the way he held you in his arms**  
**Walking on air's obnoxious**  
**The thrill**  
**The chill**  
**Will make you nauseous**  
**And you'll never get enough**  
**Just forget about love**

She's buying it! Now make with the magic!

**Forget about romance**  
**Forget about the way your heart begins to dance**  
**Then you feel the blush**  
**When he's spouting out some sentimental mush**  
**Love really is revolting**  
**It's even worse than when you're molting**  
**Enough of this fluff**  
**Just forget about love**  
**Jasmine:**  
**I had almost forgotten the way it felt**  
**When he held out his hand for mine**  
**My heart all a-flutter **

**Iago: **  
**Oh, how I shudder **

**Jasmine: **  
**The first time we kissed **

**Iago: **  
**It won't be missed **  
**Forget about 'is touch **

**Jasmine: **  
**I can't forget about his touch **

**Iago: **  
**In the scheme of things, **  
**It doesn't matter much **

**Jasmine: **  
**It matters so much **

**Iago: **  
**You're better on your own **  
**A meal becomes a banquet **  
**When you eat alone **

**Jasmine: **  
**Hmm-mm-mm-mm **

**Both: **  
**Love's filled with compromises **

**Iago: **  
**And don't you hate those big surprises? **

**Jasmine: **  
**A cozy rendezvous **

**Iago: **  
**Oh, please! **

**Jasmine: **  
**Candlelight for two **

**Iago: **  
**Oh, geez! **

**Jasmine: **  
**Look, you're calling my bluff, I can't **

**Iago: **  
**Just **

**Both: **  
**Forget about love!**"

Jasmine walked up to Al at the fountain "Jasmine, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept Iago a secret. Please..."

"Aladdin, you don't have to...

**I can't forget about my heart **

**Aladdin: **  
**I can't forget about my heart **

**Jasmine: **  
**And how it felt to fall for you right from the start **

**Aladdin: **  
**I'm still falling **

**Jasmine: **  
**Whatever we may do **

**Aladdin: **  
**Whatever we may do **

**Jasmine: **  
**You are here for me, and I'll be there for you **

**Aladdin: **  
**I'll be there **

**Both: **  
**To wish, to want, to wander **  
**To find the sun through rain and thunder **

**Aladdin: **  
**A cozy rendezvous **

**Jasmine: **  
**Yes, please! **

**Aladdin: **  
**Candlelight for two **

**Iago: **  
**Oh, geez!**  
**Enough is enough! **

**Aladdin and Jasmine: **  
**We can't forget about love!**"

And so thanks to Iago, Jasmine and Aladdin were a couple once more.


	15. The Revenge Plot

At the stroke of twelve, Abis Mal had made his way into the palace gardens after scaling the walls. He pulled the lamp out and rubbed it, releasing Jafar, again in Grand Vizier form. "About time. It was getting hot…" Jafar took notice to Aladdin and the crew. Among them was their newest member, Iago. "How very like Iago. He's lost no time endearing himself to those in power." A cruel smile formed over his face. "Which fits in perfectly with my plan!"

Aladdin was now in his street clothes again as Jasmine had finished cleaning them while he was out strolling the marketplace. Jasmine told Genie to leave the two of them alone for a bit as it was a special moment. But he wasted no time to pull out a digital camcorder and began to invade their personal space. Iago was fed up with this. "What does he have to do to make it clear to you lunkheads?! The show's over. They want to be alone! Break it up! Move it, primate! Shoo! Go on!" Iago patted his hands, rubbing the dust off. "That takes care of the peanut gallery. If you need me, I'll be lazing about in the lap of luxury." Iago flew off to Jafar's old vestibule, which just a few months ago, he was jammed in the panel to the lab. He was sitting in the recliner eating grapes.

"Oh, yeah! Being one of the good guys has its advantages. Advisor to Aladdin, the new grand vizier. And when Aladdin becomes sultan, that will make me the grand vizier. Only I'm not gonna blow it like that idiot Jafar! I'll never have to stand in his shadow again."

All at once, the room went dark and was quickly illuminated by candelabras. Jafar appeared and startled the parrot. Iago tried to come up with a lame excuse. "A funny thing happened. You see, this guy took the lamp. You probably thought it was me... 'cause it sounded a lot like me... but a lot of people sound like me. Anyway, he took the lamp and..."

"Calm yourself, Iago. I haven't come for revenge against you."

Abis Mal shouted an idea for a wish. "I got it! I could wish for the famed treasure chest of King Malakhan!" Jafar zapped him, binding him into an empty chest before releasing him. "I am dreadfully sorry. I thought that was your wish. Are you quite all right?

"No, I am not quite!"

"Wonderful. Good to see all is well." "Who's the mook?" "Abis Mal here is my new friend, and I couldn't help noticing that you've made some new friends, too. Like... Aladdin!"

"Friend? Friend is such a strong word. He's more like an acquaintance."

"I'm arranging a little surprise for Aladdin and your job is to lead him to the party."

"You know, I don't think I'm the guy for this job. You know, you should talk to... the monkey! Yeah! The monkey's really got Aladdin's ear!"

"No, Iago... you!"

* * *

The next morning, the Sultan had rented out his room for Genie, Abu, Carpet, and Iago to play billiards. Iago sat out of it and was pacing the floor. What was he going to do? He had just gained the boy's trust, but now Jafar wanted him to stab him in the back. "You know, Aladdin... AI... here's an idea. I was just thinking..."

Genie meanwhile readied a bank shot. He made the shot but it tore into the fabric on the table and the cue ball ended up jammed in Iago's mouth. "Shoot! It's stuck good. Nurse!" Genie poofed a nurse's outfit onto Abu, complete with mascara. Abu was not too keen with being the "girl" in the situation. "Abu! Iago here's our friend now. We can trust him. Now, let's get that ball out of his beak. What do you say?" "OK." Abu jumped onto the bird's belly and he spat the ball out. "Brilliant, Nurse Heimlich!" "Thanks... Bobo." "It's Abu." "Whatever…" "That's the spirit! We're all one big family now!"

"Yeah, sure. Family. Yeah, well, I gotta find Al." Iago flew off, just as Carpet made an impossible shot, sinking all fifteen balls into the pockets. He found Al and Jas mid-conversation in the "cage." They were talking about having a scenic picnic with the Sultan. Iago joined in "That's a good idea." Aladdin added "And I'll bring Genie. He was a big hit with the Sultan." "No! I mean, Genie's… he's too flashy! He's too loud! You'll never get a word in." Jasmine agreed. "You need some quiet time with Father. Let him get to know you. " "Yeah! And I..." Iago hesitated, this was the part he dreaded from the start of the morning. "I can take you to the perfect spot." "Great! Come on, let's get Father." Aladdin turned to Iago "Iago? This isn't easy for me to say, but I was wrong about you." Now he felt guilty. "Wait a second!" "Yes, Iago?" Iago tried to say something but he looked up and saw two eyes glaring at him. "I'll be along in a minute." The boy and the princess left. Iago was alone again, and then Jafar appeared behind him. "Excellent…"


	16. You're Only Second Rate

Aladdin, the Sultan, and Iago boarded Carpet and sped off following Iago's directions. Jasmine was there to see them off, but then Genie and Abu arrived with picnic gear. "Hey, hey! Clear the way! Make room for the picnic boys!" "They already left, Genie." "No problem! I'll catch up in a flash!" "Wait! Without me, too! Aladdin needs some time alone with Father to patch things up from last night". "You know what this means, monkey-boy? More food for us!" Genie unfurled the blanket and a banquet appeared as the monkey and the Genie began eating like pigs.

Iago's directions led them to a cliffside spot right next to a waterfall. At the speed Carpet was going at, Iago was losing feathers as fast as sweat on a sunbather in a sauna and the Sultan was launched forward into a stone chair unharmed. He must have really enjoyed his first flight on Carpet the day he first met Aladdin! "Iago, I have to hand it to you. This is a nice place."

* * *

Back at the palace, Genie and Abu were finishing up their picnic. "How about a nice drumstick? This could use some secret 11 herbs and spices." Abu bit down on the chicken-leg only to see a black widow crawling up. He spat it out in disgust. Genie took notice and saw that the entire picnic area was swarming with black widows! He poofed on a HAZMAT suit and began spraying bug-killer fumes. Unexpectedly, the spiders reared back and reformed… in the form of Jafar!

"Sorry to spoil your picnic, boys but I can't have any genies mucking about ruining my plans."

"Don't worry, Abu. He's a genie, and genies can't kill anyone." Again he spoke too soon, as Jafar's hands morphed into dragons and spat fire on him. Genie coughed as he shook the ashes off. "But you'd be surprised what you can live through."

"You always were good for a laugh." "Oh, yeah?!" Genie morphed into Rambo and fired machine guns, arrows, and even 怒 symbols at Jafar, praying that it would do some damage, or at the very least turn him into a frog. When the smoke cleared, where Jafar stood was a crater. Genie began laughing heroically. "Who's laughing now?" Strike three on speaking too soon, Genie. Jafar's evil laugh rang out as he reappeared. "Why, I believe it's me.

**I must admit, your parlor tricks are amusing  
I bet you've got a bunny under your hat  
Now here's your chance to get the best of me  
Hope your hand is hot  
C'mon, clown, let's see what you've got  
You try to slam me with your hardest stuff  
But your double whammy isn't up to snuff  
I'll set the record straight  
You're simply out of date  
You're only second rate!**

You think your cat's a meanie, but your tiger's tame  
You've got a lot to learn about the genie game  
So for your education I'll reiterate  
You're only second rate!

Men cower at the power in my pinky  
My thumb is number one on every list  
But if you're not convinced that I'm invincible  
Put me to the test  
I'd love to lay this rivalry to rest

Go ahead and zap me with the big surprise  
Snap me in a trap, cut me down to size  
I'll make a great escape  
It's just a piece of cake  
You're only second rate!  
You know, your hocus-pocus isn't tough enough  
And your mumbo-jumbo doesn't measure up  
Let me pontificate upon your sorry state  
You're only second rate!

Zaba-caba-dabra!  
Granny's gonna grab ya!  
Alakazam-da-mus  
And this thing's bigger than the both of us  
So spare me your tremendous scare  
You look horrendous in your underwear  
And I can hardly wait to discombobulate  
I'll send ya back and packing in a shipping crate  
You'd make a better living with a spinning plate  
You're only second rate!"

After all the torture that Jafar sent Genie and Abu through ala Pink Elephants on Parade, Genie was trapped in the hourglass that the evil sorcerer used to find Aladdin and Abu was in a spider-trap and stuck to the walls. "That was invigorating! Come, Abis Mal... we have other lives to ruin."

* * *

Aladdin and the Sultan were skipping stones across the river. The Sultan was having a hard time though. "Sultan, look, I'm sorry for not telling you about Iago. I guess I saw some good in him, just like you saw some good in a street rat." Aladdin's stone managed to skip all the way to the other side. "The good I saw in a... Well, oh, yes, l... I suppose. Well said, my boy! Oh, you'll be a fine vizier!" Aladdin went back to Iago, just as the sun was about to set. "This was a great idea, Iago. Thanks." Again the bird looked guilty. "Oh, don't thank me. Really."

All at once, dark-robed bandits appeared on black steeds, sabers flashing. They had no interest in Aladdin, but rather the Sultan. Amongst the bandits was Abis Mal. Aladdin turned to Iago and glared at him: The whole thing was a set up to capture the Sultan. "I'll settle with you later." Aladdin and Carpet sped after the bandits and watched in shock as the horses dove off and sprouted bat wings. Aladdin managed to grab the Sultan from one of the bandits and flew back to the cliff. Abis Mal took notice and shouted an order at one of the bandits. A few minutes later, a whirlpool opened up and grabbed the Sultan. Aladdin was sucked in and thrown off Carpet. He landed in the water and ended up clutching to a rock. Abis Mal swooped down and kicked him. One of the bandits however used some sort of spell, maneuvering Aladdin through the rapids and into a safer part of the river. Abis Mal was none too happy and regrouped with the other bandits, which turned into fire and from the fire into Jafar.

"Are you nuts?! You saved him! He was this close to being a greasy little smear on the rocks!" "**Look, you little**...! I mean, my dear Abis Mal, if you remember the plan, it is not yet time for the boy to meet his end." "I knew that." "Soon, our revenge will be complete and you shall have your third wish." "Ooh, my little wishy!" "And you, Iago! You have done well." "Please, don't mention it." Poor Iago was even more guilty than ever. It wasn't enough that betrayed the boy who spared his life, but now he was being forced to betray him.

* * *

Aladdin woke hours later on the side of the river. The first things on his mind were the Sultan's well-being and to rip Iago a new one once he had the chance to see the treacherous bird. It was going to be a long hike through the desert back to the Palace.


	17. The End of Jafar

"Jafar, you fiend! I should have known that this was your treachery!" The Sultan was now bound in chains in Jafar's lab, alongside the Genie and Abu. "But I couldn't have done it without Iago." "I played a minor role, really." The parrot again was guilty of playing Malinche to Aladdin's Montezuma. "Jafar! This rug won't cooperate!" Jafar zapped Carpet and an anvil landed on the rug, pinning him down. "I think we have ample time to prepare for Aladdin's arrival." He grabbed the Sultan's turban, took a sickle and slashed it. "Hey! That was a nice hat. I could have worn that hat!" "We need this for our plan." "Couldn't we use another hat for the plan?" "Oh, no. The sultan's turban and this sickle are exactly what we need to seal Aladdin's doom."

* * *

After nearly a day and a half of hiking, Aladdin returned to the palace. And who was there to greet him but Captain Razoul. "Razoul! The sultan's been..." "Seize him! You are under arrest for the murder of the sultan!" "What?! No!"

Once again Aladdin found himself in the dungeon, it was the same cell as last time, and Jafar had neglected to close the exit to the Cave of Wonders. After explaining his story time and time again, a voice piped in "Because we know you're lying!" It was Jasmine, and she was angry. "I found this in your room. My father's turban... slashed! I thought you loved me! But now I see that all you wanted to do was rule Agrabah! He shall die at dawn for the murder of my father." Jasmine ran out of the dungeon, but not before taking a detour. Razoul smugly looked at Aladdin. A voice entered Aladdin's mind, as the captain of the guards left:

**What a room, what a stink  
This is doom, don't you think?  
As the hours of the night crawl past  
You've got rats in your cell  
But you'll live with the smell  
'Til the dawn, when you'll breathe your last**

**Every tick of the clock  
Says get set for the block  
And the shock of your awful plight  
You should sleep, but you don't  
'Cause you know that you won't  
See another Arabian Night**

Jasmine marched up the stairs and into Jafar's lab. Abis Mal was now shackling another prisoner: Jasmine. The first Jasmine turned to the other and morphed into Jafar. He chuckled at the awful plight. "You should have seen the look on Aladdin's face when Princess Jasmine sentenced him to death! Yes Abis Mal, and then you get your wish. Ah, Iago you betrayed me and allied yourself with my enemies. Then you turned on them as soon as it was in your best interests. That's what I love about you. You're so perfectly predictable. A villain through and through." Iago sadly looked at his friends. What was he going to do?

* * *

The bells rang, signaling dawn. Razoul arrived in the cell and grabbed Aladdin. He and an entourage of guards led the boy up to the palace's blacksmith who was in the midst of sharpening Razoul's sword. After rubbing his thumb on the blade and see a small trickle of blood, he swiped the sword through a 2x4 and it split in two, cleanly.

Jafar once again morphed into Jasmine, this time in her peasant garb. "I'll tell your boyfriend good-bye for you, Princess," he sexily said in her voice, before going back to his real voice "I am so worried." When the fake princess left, Iago began calculating the softest spot on the hourglass. "What are you doing now?" "Oh, what does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to free the chump genie so he can save your chump boyfriend!" He whacked the hourglass with a metal rod, but nothing happened. He lifted it high into the air and prepared to push it off of one of the ledges and onto the floor. Time was running out as he saw Razoul push Aladdin to the block. Aladdin was ready to accept his fate. "Wait!" There was Jasmine. "I knew you wouldn't go through with this." "I just wanted to say good-bye, street rat!" Jasmine's face morphed quickly into Jafar and morphed back. Before Aladdin could say anything Razoul had already covered his head with a sack. Iago pushed with all his might and the hourglass fell to the floor, shattering into millions of pieces and freeing Genie.

Genie whizzed to the block and grabbed Aladdin just as Razoul was bringing the sword down. "Thanks for saving me!" "Oh, come on, Al. You know I had to. That no-head look is just not you. For my next trick: Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo!" All of the prisoners in the lab were safe and sound in Jasmine's room "Oh-ho, and everybody's safe and sound." Jasmine and Aladdin embraced, before she said to her fiancé: "There's somebody else who wants to talk to you." It was Iago. "How could you show your face? You're nothing but a..." "Aladdin, Iago rescued us. He didn't have to, but he did." "Rescued? Him?"

"Please note... 'Did not have to, but did.' Now we should be fleeing for our lives if you don't mind!" "No! We have to stop Jafar!" "But how? He's so powerful!" Genie chimed in. "His lamp. If you destroy Jafar's lamp, you destroy Jafar." "Reality check: Jafar is large and in charge. Maybe you have responsibility, but I don't! I'm only responsible for me, myself, and nobody!" "I understand Iago. You've done enough. And thanks!" "Hey, I did my good deed! I don't owe you a thing! You hear me! Not a thing."

* * *

Jafar was again sitting on the throne after so long. "Now that my revenge is complete there is one little matter left to resolve…" "Yes! The wish!" "Indeed. You will now wish me free of **this wretched lamp**!" "No! My wish! You got what you wanted! Now it's my turn!" Jafar was angry once again and then granted some freebies for Abis Mal just to shut him up. What he didn't notice was that Genie was trying to stretch his arm to grab the lamp, but it was smashed under a heavy gem. "Now, if it's obscenely excessive enough perhaps you'd care to grant my freedom."

"Huh? What? Oh, yeah, right. Wish you were free. Sure thing, yeah. I wish for Jafar to be..." Abis Mal stopped. He thought a bit about the repercussions of wishing "Wait... how do I know that these things won't disappear once I set you free?" "The more pressing question is: **how will you stay alive if you don't?!**" "But you said genies can't kill! You said that!" "You'd be surprised what you can live through." When Jafar turned around there was Aladdin reaching for the lamp. "The street rat? Still alive? No!" Jafar shot a fireball at Aladdin and Abis Mal, while they were still struggling. They landed on the balcony which had started to crumble. The crumbling was too fast for them and they plummeted into the garden. Abis Mal's shirt got stuck on a tree still reaching for the lamp. It fell next to another tree. Aladdin tried to grab it but then, the ground split and Jafar reappeared in his Ifrit form. Jafar shot lightning at the tree scaring off Jasmine. Aladdin was again looking up at him. "Give it up, Jafar! We're obviously too much for you to handle!" "**You! You're a fool to challenge me! I am all-powerful!**" "Some all-powerful. You can't even get rid of a lowly street rat." "**A problem I mean to rectify right now!**" The evil genie grabbed Aladdin and began to squeeze him. But it wasn't before long that the Aladdin he was holding was really Genie in disguise. "Gotcha! Go, Al!" Jafar threw Genie aside, knocking him out. Aladdin tried to get the lamp on Carpet, but again, Jafar zapped them with lightning, turning Carpet into sheet glass. The glass rug broke into fragments. The ground opened up on Aladdin forming a pool of lava as a means to defend the lamp and kill him at the same time. "**Give it up, boy! You shall never have my lamp and there is no one to save you this time.**"

"Hey Jafar! **SHUT UP**!" There was Iago, wings flapping. He dove towards the lamp, but Jafar zapped him. As the wounded bird struggled to kick the lamp off of the ledge and into the lava, Jafar laughed. "**Good help is so hard to find these days. Isn't it, Aladdin?**" With his last remaining strength, Iago kicked the lamp off of the ledge and into the lava. "**My lamp! NOOOOO!**" Aladdin reached for the bird just before his limp body fell into the lava. Jafar was reacting negatively to the destruction of his lamp. He felt pain shoot through his arm and saw his bones appear through his ectoplasmic skin. The boy rushed out and watched with his friends as Jafar's body turned into a skeleton and exploded into dust. All of Jafar's deeds as a genie were undone. It would have been a happy occasion, but it was not without sacrifice. "I thought a genie couldn't kill anyone." A small cough came from the bird. "You'd be surprised what you can live through." "He's alive!"

* * *

"…And so the bird lived happily ever after wallowing in luxury as Aladdin's palace pal." Iago was now in a few casts and sitting on the thrown, he was the real hero. "Now, my dear boy, or should I say, my new vizier?" "Oh, say it!" "Sultan, I'm very honored, but..." "But?! What but? 'But' is such a strong word!" "I can't be your vizier." "What?! Sultan, the boy's talking crazy talk! Don't listen! What more do you want?" "The world."

"Look, personally, I'm with you, kid, but let's take it one step at a time." "I mean... I want to see the world. I can't just stay in the palace. There's too much to do, too much to see." "Hey, what about your girlfriend? Do you think that this lovely princess is just going to wait around here?" "I most certainly will not! I'm going to see the world, too." "OK, that's it! The madness is spreading! Crazy talk! Why do I keep getting hooked up with these warped people? Shouldn't somebody ask what the brave parrot wants to do?"

* * *

**THE END OF BOOK TWO**

* * *

"Does this mean I don't get my third wish?"


	18. Hercules and the Arabian Night

Where was he…?

It looked like a dark cavern… Only there was some sort of faint blue light… The source of the light: Umbrae, skiá. The shades of the dead. It was the Underworld that he was in. A skeletal-looking oarsman waited at the front of the long line of umbrae. The skeleton pulled out a bullhorn and spoke into it with an electric feedback. "WeLcOmE aLl tO tHe AcHeRoN uNdErWoRlD fErRy. In ThE uNlIkElY cAsE oF eMeRgEnCy: WhO cArEs?! YoU'rE aLrEaDy DeAd! HaVe A pLeAsAnT tRiP!" "Well… It looks like I may find a potential ally to help get my revenge!"

* * *

Sitting at his large chessboard in the shape of the Mediterranean Sea and surrounding countries, Hades, Lord of the Dead and God of the Underworld, was plotting. "'I'm a hero in training... Brrrgg!'" He played with the pieces on the board, all of which were monsters that he had yet to deploy, the Olympians, and amongst others, his own nephew, Hercules. As he moved the pieces, he got angrier and angrier, with his flaming hair burning redder and redder. "I go left, boom- Hercules cuts me off. I fake right- BAM, he intercepts. What do I gotta do to get this muck out of my face?!" The two demons that accompanied him, Pain and Panic, entered the room. "Um, pardon us, oh scheming one…"

"WHAT?!"

"We're having some difficulty with a new arrival. He doesn't quite...'fit in,' shall we say?"

"They send us another live one, what?"

"No, no...he he...this is different."

"Yeah, this one gives us the willies!"

"Chicken minions… Alright, OK, so- what's the riff on the stiff?"

The three went down to the docks outside of his palace. There were all the new arrivals. "Okay, what did he look like?"

"Tall, dark, um... well dressed..."

"And his beard was so...uh..."

"Twisted?"

"I'm assuming that was just a lucky guess... Right?

Hades coughed and pointed the two towards a shade right behind them that matched the description. In fear, the two demons turned into chickens and ran off. And there he was: Jafar, former all-powerful ifrit, reduced to the immortal soul in the shape of the Grand Vizier that he once was.

"Are you in charge here?"

"Hades, Lord of the Underworld, how you doing-your ghost host… hehehe!" Hades held his hand out to Jafar, but he just continued.

"Charmed. You see, there's been a grievous error."

"Oh, of course, I'm sorry! It's a mistake, of course...! Tell me another one stretch face, now come on... you are, to put it gently, DEAD. Okay? Wrong side of the grass. Let's start focusing on the 'quality of the afterlife thing', so why don't you take a little dip in the old River Styx here and sayonara babe, okay?"

"This is an outrage! I am Jafar, the scourge of Agrabah! Once the most powerful sorcerer in the world!" Hades grabbed his nose. "Good for you, you big scary booger-head you! Whoo, booga, booga, booga! Get him outta here, will ya boys?"

Pain and Panic stopped pecking about and changed back into their regular selves and they began to lead him to the Styx. Jafar noticed the chessboard. "What is this? Trying to overthrow someone else's kingdom, hmmm?"

"Yeah, Mt. Olympus actually..." Then he realized something. "'scuse me?"

"I myself endeavored to seize the throne of Agrabah. I was even an all-powerful immortal genie!"

"Something musta gone way wrong, don't you think pal?"

"An impudent young street rat named Aladdin interfered and unraveled all my carefully laid plans of deceit and conquest!"

"Really? You don't say? Hey, uh, do you like ambrosia?"

* * *

After lunch, if you could call it lunch, Hades and Jafar exchanged stories of past defeats. "So Jerkules actually carries the sun out of here, and Zeus wins again. This kid is driving me meshugenah. He even got his chariot license doing that!" "This foe actually lifted the sun?" "Yeah, lousy demigod strength, if he had a brain, then he'd be dangerous."

"Well, after Aladdin and his trickery, a muscle bound ox like Hercules will be child's play.

"Oh really? You care to back that up, you stiff?"

"In a heartbeat. Which I don't have in so far as I am dead… Of course, you could remedy that."

Hades pondered a bit about this. "Eh, what have I got to lose? OK, bro!" He grabbed the spectral form of Jafar's snake staff and twirled it around. "You're back, with a vengeance!" He handed the staff back, where it turned into an actual king cobra. It snaked its way around Jafar and within seconds, he was flesh and blood again.

"Yes...yes, I am alive again! And ready to exact my revenge upon Aladdin!" Jafar made lightning crackle from his staff as he laughed evilly. "What is that, like a bronchial thing? As long as you hold that staff, you are flesh and blood - emboldened, empowered with incredible magic..yadda yadda yadda…" To demonstrate, he took the staff out of Jafar's hand and watched as he became a ghost again. "Hello? Priorities babe? All right? First you take care of Jerkules, then you are free to 'skitter off and have your stinky little revenge', ha ha... You got it?"

"Oh, yes, of course... forgive my... eagerness."

* * *

Meanwhile on the surface, Hercules was going through an obstacle course wearing a set of leather armor and red sweatband. He climbed over walls, grunting. A dragon popped up, he sliced through it with his gladius. A group of minotaurs appeared, he pole-vaulted over them, swung back, and punched their heads in. Phil stood nearby, holding a clipboard and obviously grading Hercules on his efforts. Hercules punched through wooden monsters, swung across a pit and knocked down one last monster. Herc panted. "Not too bad, huh? Took 'em all out with hardly a scratch."

"All of them?"

A monster body close-by suddenly punched out and hit Herc, throwing him to the ground with his head stuck in a large sand pile. He pulled his head out. "That's what happens when you just barrel your way through, rookie. You got a good head on your shoulders. Start using it or you'll get in real trouble some day!"

* * *

Suddenly, large monsters appeared - a griffin and a minotaur - and they're headed straight at Herc and Phil. Another dragon-type head popped in at the corner. Phil backed away but was flicked to the side by the minotaur. The minotaur then grabbed Herc and started squeezing. "Uh, okay Phil...ah, I get the point..."

"Don't look at me, I didn't do this!"

Evil laughter rang out. A blood-red cloud appeared in the sky next to the monsters. Lighting flashed, and lava boiled up from the earth. It shot up hundreds of feet into the air, and then hardens as Jafar popped up to stand on it. "But I did. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Jafar, the greatest sorcerer the world has ever known!" He pointed his staff and red laser streams shot out, headed Herc's way. Herc broke free and fell to the ground. The lasers hit the monster instead. "I'm just getting warmed up!" Jafar shot more lasers at Herc, as he barely dodged them. "Not particularly agile, are you?" More lasers were shot. Herc dodged them only to end up with his cape in the jaws of a griffin. "No, but I hang in there!"

"Jehck-oo khookhoo! What are you doing? Use your head!" "No helping, you old goat!" Jafar shot lasers at Phil, causing the satyr to duck into an apple bush, coming out comically signed and with an apple in his mouth. The griffin, with Herc's cape in its mouth, tossed back its head to throw Herc up and swallow him. Herc punched the monster and then landed on the ground. He made a run for Phil's house (which was an enormous head, once piece of a statue that is now hollowed out for those that don't know). He picked it up and began running through the monsters with it. He knocked them all out of the way as he made his way to Jafar. He hit the last of the monsters out of the way, and then made his way up the hill to where Jafar stood. Jafar, looking scared, quickly tried to blast him, but missed. Herc continued running, until he reached Jafar, throwing the head on top of him. The monsters that were barely recovering from being hit with a huge iron head and turned to sand. Phil came back out, eating the apple. "Ha, all right! How was that Phil?" "I said use your head - not my house!"

* * *

Hades sat in the same chair as before, as Jafar plummeted from the ceiling, obviously the earth, and hit the ground with his cape over his head and his staff clattering besides him. "Kid packs a punch, huh?"

"I was... ill-prepared. I never had to worry about strength like that, dealing with mortals."

"Wha-ho, wait a minute, hold on... Mortals? This Aladdin yutz you've been going on and on about is a mere MORTAL?"

"Well, yes... but a very clever one."

"Oh! A clever mortal! Mommy, hold my hand, I'm scared! Hey, Jafar babe, face it - your boy is strictly amateur-hour!"

"**You insolent cur**! In battle Aladdin would shame and humiliate you!"

"OK, number one: This is my turf. I'm the one who does the **voice raising** here." He demonstrated with his flaming hair turning red and then back to blue. And number two, just 'cause it'll be worth a chuckle or two: I'll take on your boy Aladdin, all right. And what's more, I will beat him."

"Doubtful…"

"Oh yeah, you just keep thinking that, okay. In the meantime, Jafy, may I call you Jafy, babe? Let me show you how you're missing the villain boat here, okay? First of all - you da man, you know what I'm saying? The big-bad dude. So you gotta use a minion or two."

"I had a minion. A treacherous parrot!" He was still angry at Iago for his treason that cost him his lamp, his immortality, and his power.

"Not a pet. A min-ion. Pain, Panic, come here!" The demons came in and stood in attention. "Nice, huh? Now, uh, I give 'em some kind of boiler-plate instructions, right? You know, bow before me... Spread my evil...eliminate Aladdin with extreme prejudice...blah-ya-blah, got it boys?"

"None shall avert us from your dark intentions, your solicitousness!" Both did his instructions at the moment and headed up to the mortal plane. Not the best examples maybe, but hey - I never get my hands dirty and they're house-broken. Usually." Hades conjured up a smoke ball, which parted showing the image of Agrabah in all of its splendor. Pain and Panic were in disguise as two merchants. Pain was wearing purple and Panic wore green. Pain asked what were the things he was wearing around his waist. Normally when they were disguised as mortals, they wore togas. Panic pointed out that they were wearing something called "pants." They doubted that they would catch on. Well… unless the Fates had anything to say that is. They looked at a piece of papyrus that was a sort of "rap sheet". After studying carefully, they merged into a two-headed dragon and grabbed the first person that matched the description of cool fez, purple vest, and no shirt. That someone was Abu.

"He doesn't look very...heroic."

"Appearances can be deceiving. I'm Aladdin." The demons turned around and there was Aladdin, with a scimitar in his belt. Right beside him was Jasmine. "I think you have our monkey."

"_That's_ Aladdin? Hmm, we'll have to update the database." Pain and Panic began their advance, but Aladdin was too quick for them, flying by on Carpet. After the dust settled, Pain and Panic were separate again and were KO'd. "What is this thing? I've never seen anything like it." He reached out to touch the two, but like they did nearly 15 years ago in the outskirts of Tyrins, they turned into snakes and began to constrict Aladdin. "This time we really got ya!" "Ah! Okay! Okay! You guys win, all right! Uh, look do whatever you want to me... just don't take my lamp!"

He held out the lamp, still the same golden color as it was when he freed Genie. "Why? What's in the lamp?" "Probably something trés-cool!" "**Give it!**"

It devolved into a game of keep-away. Pain and Panic finally got hold of the lamp. Pain began rubbing it greedily. "I wish for a higher pain-tolerance!" Panic lifted the top part of the lamp off, and Genie popped out. "I'm a freed genie, you fools!" He sucker punched the two demons and they went flying, all the way back to the Underworld. Jafar and Hades were still waiting. The demons crashed to the ground. Jafar chuckled. "Well, that was indeed worth a chuckle... but I couldn't help but notice that Aladdin is still alive!"

"You win. The kid is trickier than I thought." Hades turned back to the chessboard. "All right, let's see... where to put the Hydra...hmm..."

"That's it? Aladdin humiliated you! Don't you want your revenge?!"

"Uh, yeah, sure, okay. How 'bout I **rule the cosmos** first, and then I'll take it, okay? Priorities, Jafar, okay? Eyes on the prize babe."

"Bah! The only prize I value is Aladdin's head! But I just can't defeat that boy!" And he formed an idea. An awful idea. A wonderful awful idea. "Hmm, maybe I don't have to defeat him... Tell me, Hades... what happens when one hero fights another hero?"

"Mayhem...chaos...uh... collateral damage, nice...but, uh, how would that start?"

"Well, what if Aladdin and Hercules were to have some sort of terrible misunderstanding? With the proper motivation..."

Hades finally got it. "Oh, they would fight until they destroyed each other! I like it!" "Ah! Yes, yes! I shall have my revenge!" Jafar laughed evilly yet again. "What's with the laughing? What, what is that? Who does that help? Huh?" "Eh, it punctuates my evil. It's a flourish." "I don't get it…"

* * *

Abu wandered about the market, getting some medicine to help with Iago's bad condition. It was only a few days since they killed Jafar but the bird hadn't fully recovered yet. They even signed him up for a health insurance, which somehow involved a Pekin duck and a name similar to Aladdin's… Aflac? As he was putting the herbs and spices into a small wallet that Aladdin gave him, his attention was directed to a trail of Gros Michel bananas. As soon as he went into the alleyway they went into, everything went dark.

On the opposite side of the Mediterranean, Icarus, Herc's best friend at the Academy, was yet again thinking of Cassandra. Give it up kid... she's not right for you. He then spotted a trail of bananas… wait has this happened before? "Wow, this is my lucky day! Oh man, I am gonna be sitting pretty in bananas! Potassium gold, baby!" Everything went dark as he was clobbered over the head. When he came to, he was chained up next to a monkey in the Underworld. Abu was angrily screeching. "I don't know what your sicko game is, but I'll tell you what I do know: my pal Herc will not quit until- Whoa! Monkey! Cool!"

"This is Hercules' best friend?"

"Hey, at least he doesn't spend his days picking fleas out of his fur."

"That's true. As far as you know. Anyway, Herc will not quit until he's rescued me from your vile clutches, buddy!" Abu screeched. "Aladdin, too!"

"Oh, we're counting on your friends rushing off to the rescue. Isn't that right, Hades?!"

"Look, why don't you just hold that 'till we win, then you can dance around the end zone and just whoop it up!"

* * *

Herc was standing where Icarus was before he saw the bananas, right in the middle of school. Where could he be? Suddenly he was encountered by an unfamiliar old man. It was Jafar in his old prisoner disguise again. "Icarus, did you say boy? I believe that was the name of the lad that got kidnapped. Yes! Whisked away on a flying carpet to Agrabah! A young rogue named Aladdin did the deed!"

"Well I don't know who this Aladdin is, but he picked the wrong guy to kidnap!"

"Show no mercy!" Hades appeared after Herc rushed off, tearing the fake beard off. "What is this, a budget-cut? Hey, if you need some petty cash, just ask, okay?" "Give me that!" Jafar poofed back into his vizier garb. "It's up to your miserable minions now."

"Hey, trust me, deceit they can do."

* * *

Back in Agrabah, Aladdin searched high and low for his missing friend, even going far as to search the stage where he met the thieving performers last year. All of the sudden, he was attacked by a shadowy entity that looked like a smaller version of Minos, Pain and Panic in a bad Hercules disguise. "Forget every seeing your monkey pal again, Aladdin! I, Hercules, the scourge of Athens, took him! He's gonna make a nice throw-rug! Ha, ha, ha!" "Herc" ran off, prompting Al to give chase on Carpet. Then he bumped into a boy. He looked like the shadow entity. "Hercules! It takes a lot of nerve to kidnap someone's best friend!" "Ha! Nobody knows that better than you, Aladdin!"

A fist fight broke out between the two boys. Phil and Pegasus were nearby watching with Jasmine. He nervously inched closer to Jasmine. "I'd like to introduce myself. Philoctetes, trainer of-" "I'm engaged." "Oh! Sorry ma'am." The fight between the two boys continued. It lead to an all-out chase through Agrabah just like when the Omar called for the guards a few months prior. "I can get you out of this - _if_ you tell me where Abu is." "Ah...I-I don't know what you're talking about!" "Well, then you think about it under a ton of rubble. Bye!" "Ah, I don't care about me, but.. let my friend Icarus go!" "Your friend? Uh oh, I think there's been a big mistake." He was right. While they were fighting and chasing, they ended up in a condemned building and it started to collapse on them.

* * *

Jafar and Hades were watching the entire scene. They saw Jasmine, Phil, Pegasus and Carpet all hunched over at the sight of the ruined building. The two villains were _both_ laughing now, with one arm around each other, happy to see both their enemies fall. "Hey, you know this is kinda fun, ya I mean I like it... it's that Orthodox baptism that the Turks are talking about."

Phil looked at the rubble. There goes another potential hero. First Jason, then Ulysses, then Achilles. Just then, the sound of bricks shaking was heard: Herc was lifting the building up. The armor-clad youth lifted Aladdin out of the bricks. "Thanks." Jasmine hurried over and hugged Aladdin. "Jasmine, I don't think Hercules kidnapped Abu." "And I'm pretty sure Aladdin didn't grab Icarus." Phil piped in, rubbing his "goat-tee," "So, this was a set-up?" Jasmine wondered who would want the two to fight each other. "I don't know. Maybe that Jafar guy." The name brought shock to both street-rat and princess. "But he's dead…" "Well, he sure seemed alive when he attacked me… Unless…"

As if by divine intervention, one of Zeus's thunderbolts struck Phil, giving him the information he needed. "Hades, Lord of the Dead! He's the mastermind behind this!" "They must of thought we'd crush each other." Aladdin walked to Herc and extended his hand. "Hey, let's try this again. I'm Aladdin." "Hey, I'm Hercules. Good to meet ya." The two heroes shook hands. Pegasus meanwhile took a liking to Carpet, who was petting him. Even Genie and Phil took to liking each other. After all introductions were done, Aladdin asked the all important question "So, where do we find our friends?" "They gotta be in the Underworld. But we go in there, they'll throw everything they got at us."

"It's worth the risk to save Abu. Let's go." Aladdin and Jasmine boarded Carpet, but Herc stopped them.

"Hold on. I want to save my buddy too, but...maybe there's a smarter way than just barreling in..."

Genie poofed a diploma and mortarboard onto Herc. "That's right! He can be taught!"

* * *

Back in the Underworld, Icarus and Abu were still chained up. "Oh, monkey...my buddy Herc is gone.. all is lost! Hey, what are you doing?" "Shh!" Abu was trying to pick the locks with his set of picks. "Oh.. right...escape plan, yes monkey, yes...I'll keep it on the QT... or as you might say, eek eek." Abu gave Icarus a dirty look for stooping to that stereotype.

Meanwhile, Hades was back to the chessboard eating, pita chips and drinking an Infernal Martini. "Then a gorgon hits them from the side, bring in the river guardian and bata-bing! Olympus is mine, oh yes!"

"Delightful. And then perhaps we could turn our attention toward Agrabah..."

"Small potatoes, what - Agrabah - what you want to be a sultan when you could be a god? Jafar... Lord of the Dead, huh, what do you think, huh, you like that?"

"Hmm, intriguing... May I redecorate?"

"Yeah, sure, what do I care, throw up some drapes."

Pain and Panic came rushing in shouting that Herc and Aladdin survived and were headed this way. Jafar and Hades looked out the eye-socket of a window to see two figures flying on Pegasus and Carpet. "Okay, now...don't panic. Heroes burst in all the time down here... So, hey, why don't you take care of it, a little, you know, 'On the Job Training', what do you say, okay?"

"My pleasure!"

The figure that was assumed to be Aladdin ran up to Jafar and dodged more lasers. He blasted Carpet, encasing the figure and the rug in ice. He likewise encircled Pegasus and his rider in a ring of fire. "Haha! You're clumsiness will be your undoing, Hercules! Get the point?!"

"That might work, Jafar. _If_ I were Hercules!" It was Aladdin that was on Pegasus. He jumped off the horse and rushed over to the block of ice. It shattered, releasing Hercules and Carpet. After one last struggle, Herc grabbed the snake staff and smashed it. Jafar screamed in agony as the souls of the Acheron dragged him under.

"Good plan, Herc! Phil would be proud."

"Oh, that's just fine, you know. I mean, I knew that Jafar guy was a jerk. I mean, what could be more aggravating than this?!" His answer was met by Icarus and Abu trying to nerve-pinch him. "I'll tell you what, okay? Drop it right now and I won't make you **permanent residents**!"

Out of the Underworld, Aladdin and Herc caught up with the rest of the gang. "Thanks a lot, Hercules. You're gonna be one great hero. In fact I think I know who to invite to my wedding…" Herc blushed, part of a wedding huh? At least this one has nothing to do with starting a war with Troy. Carpet flew off carrying his friends back home to Agrabah. Icarus turned to Herc and mounted Pegasus. "Herc, can we get a monkey?  
"No…" "Come on, monkey?" "No, Icarus…"

* * *

Will this be the last time that we see Hercules? Who knows?


End file.
